Sunday, December 2, 2012

A No Walk Day

(Three days trying to photograph this amazing dark purple flower--tricky.)
By chance I had a no walk day, because the gym is closed on Sunday and I didn't need to go to the store.  Wow, a day of clean living so to speak--just me and the ashram homework.  No need to pour between two buckets.  Maybe I just need a break from the outer world which appears to elicit bring it on, bring it out, bring it...  A day to retreat, stay in bed, and pull the covers over one's head so to speak and minimize the engagement of the ego.  If I think of having two ladders (one inner and one outer), my inner ladder has been ascending with the grace of Gurudev, but my outer ladder has been heading to the center of the Earth.

People go on intensive personal retreats for a week or two, but this has been four months of in the fire.  It suits my nature, but having a pause in the crossfire has given me a moment to take a big breath.

At the beginning of the week, I made a personal decision to dive deeper into the "letting go" by letting go of most of my material possession in the US except for one car, clothes, and a few personal possessions that are sentimental.  A basic living kit will be left.  The horse, the horse training items, and more are all on the chopping block.  The renunciation at a new level feels very clear, clean, and in line with what has been unfolding internally.   Not quite the single wrap with a begging bowl, but maybe a white, woman's luxury version of that?  I have taken this task of material reduction each cycle home between India, but this will involve the last layer.  When I went off to college, everything fit in the back of my VW hatchback.  What happened?

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