Sunday, April 29, 2012

This Stuff Works

And the roses smell so amazing too!

A friend who has known me for over 25 years and recognizes my challenges with the two-legged world has been amazed by the transformation.  She has been closely observing me while I negotiate some very deep, tricky fuzz on my lint screen the past few days and has been surprised.  I give ALL the credit to consciousness.  That space that appears if you wait an extended period of time after a thought, let the space be thoughtless, and let the non-ego process come into the space.  The motivation is not to add lint--inner peace, (and not complacency, withdrawal, or inaction.)  Presence 101.  Thank you Divine Beings for tossing me back into the Western World to see how profound it all is.  Pranam to the Universe.

There is a very good chance that my horse will go to Kentucky, my goat will go hang out with goats, and my horse world will be dismantled.  Probably keep a trunk or two, a favorite saddle (or two), and a few bits and pieces as final threads of attachment.  People already want to buy my truck and trailer.

Looking at returning to India in July.  I like the monsoon season.  

Friday, April 27, 2012

The Energetic Teachings In The Dream State

I was at peace with the clarity from the last fracturing process and the continued observation of the inner stillness, but there was more to the teaching.  The generosity of the Divine still continues to catch me off guard;  several hours of energetically dissolving into the stream of white light that I experienced while at the feet of Pahari Baba.  This time, it was only me, but I felt Their collective presence.

I have been labeling the manuscript text "White, Woman Walking," but someone had a lovely suggestion, "White, Woman Wondering."  Yes, the awe of it all is still unfolding.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

How Could I Forget

Scratchiness generally means that I am headed towards some fire that I need to jump into for debriding another layer of the self.  Instead of circuit training for the body, I am noticing a circuit training for the spirit:  1) in incident creates an emotional upset (in this case, it was seeing the public demise of a brilliant horse all for the sake of power and greed), 2) while I am disoriented or off center a sense of scratchiness is created, 3) inquiry/contemplation/meditation are the practices that help me look at the scratchiness, 4) a new part of the tool kit shows up (Divine Genealogy) and in this case, heading down the fracturing of the self process with my ever growing heart capacity appeared to be the direction, 5) within 12-24 hours the root of the story/disconnect/unnecessary belief system/"answer" shows up, and 6) a sense of inner peace returns.

Even though I am in the hands off the steering wheel mode, I hadn't gone through a fracturing process while not in India.  I was a bit nervous, since I am never quite sure of what is going to happen while going through what I call a "spiritual death."  The opportunity to jump feet first into the fire is actually grace assisting you in the "Let Go" process.  The discomfort leads me to the cliff edge, the surrender and willingness to open myself to the unknown allows an opening for transformation (if I knew why and what before the fracturing then I wouldn't have really gone through true surrender), and then the point of separation becomes clear after the "energetic work."  How else could a spiritual shift feel than some type of rebirth of the true self?

Ironically, I had to go through stepping out of my comfort zone to move to India and now to see that I need to step out of my comfort zone of living as the old Sue while reentering the US.  On a deep level, I kept wondering how the "old" Sue and the  "new" Sue were going to work out their differences.  While examining life in the US with the aid of my executive, business suit gurus (and they happen to understand spirituality at a high level too), we came to the "there are no answers" marker in the road.  This is sounding very familiar. "There are no answers on the Earth." from the teachings of a spiritual Guru.

Yes, I can feel another shift has happened--another veil removed.

Taming of Totilas Vol. 2 showed up in my email today.  And there will be part 3.  How lovely that two human beings with credentials in the sport of dressage are speaking out in a clear, classroom-oriented, open approach to the truth of classical vs. modern training techniques.  It is the first time that I have felt true light show up in the darkness of what has continued to grow and spread.  Animals don't ever have a voice and a choice while under the control of humans.  Many cultures don't feel animals are worthy of respect and consciousness, but even the cultures that understand that this is not an ethical, humane way to act as a conscious human being continue to display plenty of disconnected actions.

I spent a long time (too long) disconnected from the ethical, humane practice and maybe this will be useful for having less judgement and more compassion for others who had fallen off the morally correct path.  I don't know what the latest transformation will look like, but I know that it is helping me with this big piece of lint on my lint screen and no, the Guru will not be able to wash this stain completely away. 

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Scratchiness Showing Up

Scratchiness 101.  It is not coming from the human component now.  It is coming from my relationship to my own process in life.  "Let Go"  Experiencing the "life" veil instead of just accepting what is and opening to the remarkableness of it all.  I wonder how big of a wheelbarrow that I need for this trip to the surrender pile?

Monday, April 23, 2012

Pain As The Gift

A reminder of pain as the gift for going deeper into Absolute Love and Absolute Truth.  I found this teaching in the stillness, but then I found it in my homework assignment of condensing the blogs.  Thank you to the cosmic teachers.  Experiencing the wisdom and usefulness of the teachings while in the West.

I had uttered the "Bring It On" mantra the day before the heart harpoon showed up...

Heart Harpoon

I have been leaving the horse training issue sitting on the back burner, but I guess the universe's rolodex system was bound to bring it up at some point.  A pro-horse friend had me watch a video of the destruction of probably the most remarkable horse and rider combination that dressage has ever known.  The horse was sold out from under the rider to a team of investors who were motivated by greed/fame--nothing related to the welfare of the animal.  Less than 2 years later, the horse is on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  The video symbolizes every aspect of what led me to look at suicide, a trip to Africa, and eventually India.  The universe knows right where my soft spot is.  I didn't black out, but it did leave me disoriented.  Dressage has been the focus of 25 years of horse association and this really highlights why I was so seriously examining stepping away from it.  Some people have suggested why not be a beacon for change.  I have turned that stone over for four years now?  If I was going to dive into the "make a change idea" it would probably be around something more urgent:  rain forests, sex slavery, women's rights, etc.  Experiences like these are always good for cracking open the heart capacity, so I will sit with this a bit.  Taming of Totilas

Sunday, April 22, 2012

So Much Gratitude

The stunning beauty of the landscape, weather, and tranquility is almost too much to bare.   How the ego wants to find a job.  I keep telling my ego that it has a job--to help me in my human evolution, but it doesn't get to run the show is the only difference.

Interesting to explore the teachings from the many spiritual teachers available on the planet:  reexamining the ones who are familiar or inquiring into the new.   The process continues to deepen my gratitude for what unfolded in India.  How did he teach so much, but with so few words?

Pranam to the grace of the Divine

Friday, April 20, 2012

Living With The Most Exquisite Gift To Humans

Apple Orchards in bloom

As I soak in the most exquisite gift to humans from the Divine Genealogy (24/7), I wonder why I am resisting it.  Yes, it has all taken me by surprise, since I didn't mentally sign up for any of it.  But now that the gift is flooding through me, why resist it?

The root was discovered.  I marvel at the cleverness of the ego to find a foothold.  It had attached a big 'responsibility sign' to the new state of being.  It was manufacturing a story that I was suppose to do something "different" now.  I was confused.  I didn't understand how to be or do anything different than what/who I am.  The energetic shift comes from the unveiling and I am just manifesting it in the Sue costume.  Simplification is useful and Gurudev always prescribed to that practice in his teachings.  Phew, now I can sink into the depths of this Divine Grace and experience the "to your knees" quality without a responsibility sign attached to it.

Another discovery.  I have always been a super-wired human being.  This most recent energy unveiling is sending me into another intensity level.  For the first time I understand where that "super-human energy" was most likely coming from (thank goodness for my fitness and physically active lifestyle of riding and dancing to help keep pace with the energetic insanity), I have probably been dipping into this pool most of my life--unrecognized as Divine Grace.  The story continues to unfold in both directions--forward and backward.

I recently added doing the "Insanity Program" as a fitness teaching and a second, daily physical activity, so I can take a bit of the edge off.  It feels like I may need to put my seat belt back on.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Merging With A New State of Action

Turning inside out is starting to take form.  I have always tried to act from a place of honesty and integrity, but that "right action" followed a mental conversation and then a physical action.  Now, the conversation comes from a place beyond me and the "right action" becomes the stream from where all action springs. My mind catches up with the action rather than initiating it.  Someone else is definitely driving the bus, but using my skin sack as the vehicle.  Fascinating to watch the inner evolution and the two approaches to moving through life.  The stream is a deeper place of truth and clarity that my mind is too limited to create.  My mind can follow directions, but it doesn't have the capacity to initiate action from that depth. 

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Next Homework Assignment

Planning to visit next week

Applications in for a cupcake cart and cookie baking.  There is an ad for stall cleaning--I might qualify for that.  Getting the nudge to hang up a few signs for giving lessons and offering Selfseeds to horse people.  In the meantime, day 6 of the Insanity Program--fitness home video.  It is awesome.  Already a difference in one week.  Blown away by the next level of iMovie called Keynote.  Remarkable technology.  Submitted a poster for the Born This Way Foundation Poster Contest.

Got another homework assignment for the manuscript--thank you!

Recognizing the striking clarity around Absolute Truth and Love.  It is the feeding ground for the soul.  Nothing compares, nothing else satisfies, and it becomes the common thread in every action.


Monday, April 16, 2012

A Human Stream

(Thank you for the beautiful photos!)

Cheering for the Saki Bowl as a continued source of teaching.  Maybe what I am experiencing is the Divine's process to becoming a two-legged stream?  The point isn't to become a great teacher, but to keep unearthing the debris that is blocking the flow of The Divine through this small vessel.  I am beginning to understand more deeply how the pain blocks this ever present flow.  There is a longing for being submerged in the stream while in touch with myself and with others.  I am constantly examining the points of debris and where it is preventing the flow.  So simple but yet so profound. I now want to just sit in the river of the Divine Source, but the outer world requires action, so I am learning how to take action while not leaving the Source.

The great teachers of humanity become streams of love.
                        Bowl of Saki, April 15, by Hazrat Inayat Khan
Commentary by Pir-o-Murshid Inayat Khan:
Forgiveness is a stream of love which washes away all impurities wherever it flows. By keeping this spring of love, which is in the heart of man, running, man is able to forgive, however great the fault of his fellow man may seem. One who cannot forgive closes his heart. The sign of spirituality is that there is nothing you cannot forgive, there is no fault you cannot forget.

The great personalities who have descended on earth from time to time to awaken in man that love, which is his divine inheritance, have always found an echo in innocent souls rather than in great intellects. Man often confuses wisdom with cleverness, but a man can be clever and not wise, and by cleverness a person may strive and strive, and yet not reach God. It is a stream, the stream of love, which leads towards God. ... Law has no power to stand before love; the stream of love sweeps it away. When the woman accused by everyone was brought before Christ, what arose from the heart of the master? The law? No, it was love in the form of mercy and compassion.

In correcting a mureed of his faults it is not the intellect that is of much use. It is the pouring out of the stream of love which can wash away the stains; closing one's eyes to their faults, forgiving them, and yet correcting them with all tolerance, gentleness, and humility; making before them all things natural, nothing too horrible, but showing them the picture of a better life and thus drawing them toward that which is ideal and beautiful. When the teacher finds that the mureed is wrong he will not tell him that he is wrong, but will show him what is right.
   ~~~ "Sangita I, Ta'lim", by Hazrat Inayat Khan (unpublished)

The great teachers and prophets, and the inspirers of humanity of all times have not become what they were by their miracles or wonder-workings; these belong to other people. The main thing that could be seen in them was their loving manner. ... One may ask: How to cultivate the heart quality? There is only one way: to become selfless at each step one takes forward on this path, for what prevents one from cultivating the loving quality is the thought of self. The more we think of our self the less we think of others.

There is no greater magnetic power than love. Its magnetic power is very great. It changes a person's voice, his heart, his manner, his form, his movement, his activity, everything becomes changed. What a difference between water and rock; that smoothness and that liquid state of being, the rise and fall of the surface of the water compared with the rigidity of the rock! The great teachers of humanity become streams of love. It is the first sign of the sage or holy man that he himself becomes love. His voice, his feeling, his presence, everything makes one realize that there is something open in him which we do not find in everybody; this something is his deep love.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Stepping More Fully Into The LIght

California Poppy

Don't get me wrong about how remarkable this new state of being is, but I wonder if it is another teaching?  Is the Divine still working on cleaning my lint screen, but with a new intensity?  The technique is like power washing with light and love to blast all of the crevices filled with darkness?  What am I still holding onto?  Am I?  Could it be the uncertainty to stepping more fully into the light?  It isn't fear since I know the Divine is driving the bus, but there is a state of unknowing.

I thought going home would be like curling up on the couch with a good book and a fire in the fireplace as a state of being.  The intensity is still such a surprise (and a gift), so do I just get on with "stuff" instead of sitting in awe of the grace?  Do I walk to the top of a mountain, fall to my knees, look up, and ask, "Now what?"

Thursday, April 12, 2012

How To Work With This New Energy Field?

When I sit and ask myself, what is different besides everything.  If I narrow it down, I realize that it is the remarkable inner feeling of energy.  Do I glow in the dark now?  Maybe.  The rest of the package appears to be fairly similar to what I started with a little over a year ago.  What is this inner radiance?  As I fill out job applications and write resumes, it doesn't appear to be useful on paper.  Of course, the remarkable part is how it personally highlights the Divine day and night.  It is the constant marker now.  It does feel remarkable and it appears to stir up tears of gratitude at a blink of an eye, but what else?  There must be some lesson the Divine is trying to impart from their vantage point?

As I sat in blankness, the simplicity of continuing to work on being a "good" human was what appeared.  It is like having the internal lint detector turned up to high, so it would be difficult not to operate from that place of intention.  Yes, I am human, so there will be mistakes, but to try and do the best I can.

It feels like being a vessel with this state constantly looking for a way to expand.  The people where I live have noticed the feel of the house is different and there has been more intense internal processes going on--dreams, meditating, etc.  I am not sure this wouldn't be a hazardous effect, but they appear to be happy about it.  How cool is that, I think the new teachings has somehow made me a hotspot like the new iPad.  What grace that the Divine Genealogy uses basic two-leggeds as vessels to share their remarkable energy field.  It is sort of a new relationship, since going after and working towards have been the mantra for "achieving," but this new practice involves letting go and allowing as an operating mantra.  It appears to be part of the new rules and operating from an inside-out platform.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Crossroad 101

A crossroad appeared--inward or outward.  My physical existence says outward and my newer inner presence says inward.  My ego keeps trying to bait me with fear and uncertainty to follow the familiar but painful outward path.  The voice keeps coaxing me to melt into the depths of the inward path.  I won't get guidance from the inward path via email or a letter, so back to the depths of meditation now that my apparent homework assignment is drawing to a less intense phase.

Why couldn't the appropriate information for living in all aspects of the human form appear from within? The path was blazed in India, but the real work is the "how to live in it."  Uncovering the veils at home is requiring more discernment.  What aspects of the past operating style are important to keep?  Probably honesty, integrity, authenticity and others in this category.

Sue wants to keep driving the bus now that she is home, but that has only worked to a limiting point.  The words of advice from Gurudev come flowing in, "Let go."  How many times do I need to drive around the same block until I can operate from this place in all locations?

Sunday, April 8, 2012

India in 6 Weeks

The test has been to return home and see what happens.  As I finish rereading the proposed book for the 4th time, I see that I have relived the teachings from India in the past 6 weeks--nothing like the zip file experience of spiritual teaching.  I even ended up with the same question; can one drown in Absolute Love?

The emersion into the depths of Divine Love is not letting up.  It is the sense of absolute surrender to the Divine--nothing else matters and there is nothing else.  The "naked walk" is with childlike abandon instead of as a white, woman, walking.  In spite of the distractions of daily living, the invitation to sink into the infolding/return to The Divine is in everything:  the presence of a stately Eucalyptus Tree, the vibration from a musician's instrument, the aroma of dinner cooking in the oven, and the feel of a cat brushing up against your leg.

The drowning begins when in the stillness--no limits or distractions to what is unfolding.  Am I part of the playground of The Divine or maybe a bathtub toy in a tub without a limit?

Friday, April 6, 2012

The No Manual Zone

Prashad is usually offered in these moments...

I was thinking that I was probably overdue for a good cracking open of some kind and I was struggling with bits and piece of my ego being in such beauty and abundance--go figure!  Something I was probably not doing, not doing enough of, or without enough gratitude that might need a good lining out with a guru stick?

Blindsiding is a good technique; when in doubt do the opposite to what is expected.  Early on in the Gurudev/Divine Genealogy experience, I talked about a possible remote control that opened the heart like a garage door opener.  I didn't expect it to work from India, but I should know better.  Why did I think that the saying, "Out of sight, out of mind" would apply?  I feel the presence of "them" all of the time, but the fall to your knees Divine Love only happens in holy places doesn't it?  The ego wants to find some out by way of lack or worthiness and the irony is that the more humility/surrender offered, the more it pours inward.  Drowning in Absolute Love is a new sensation and I haven't found a manual for how to operate in that zone either.  I did offer myself on the surrender pile...

Monday, April 2, 2012

Sympathy vs. Pity

Everyday, I look through the job listings for the area north of San Francisco.  I have been willing to do most anything, but nothing has really created enthusiasm.  I have wondered what type of job would stir those inner feelings. I am working on a few horse sales deals, teaching a few lessons, acting as a consultant, and other pieces from before India, but nothing is "igniting a flame."

Today, I had a surprise--a job to help youth who have a history of chemical dependance showed up and no experience is required.  I wasn't joyful for their pain and challenged path through life, but I felt a common ground.  I have looked at very deep pain, so listening without judgement, keeping my heart open, and staying present felt like a new set of tools that I could offer.  What surprised me was from such a deep and tender place this offering arose.  Something new is growing inside--maybe a small healthy tendril-- and it has the exquisite texture of Absolute Love.  The stirring created an inner question of sympathy vs. pity.  Was there something inside of me that wanted to feed on the pain of others?  I thought that sympathy might be tinged with this quality, but the Saki Bowl showed up to help with clarification. ( Even if the job doesn't come to fruition, I thank it for the teaching.)

Sympathy is the root of religion, and so long as the spirit of sympathy is living in your heart, you have the light of religion.
                        Bowl of Saki, April 2, by Hazrat Inayat Khan
Commentary by Pir-o-Murshid Inayat Khan:
Those great souls who have brought the message of God to humanity from time to time, like Buddha, Krishna, Jesus Christ, Moses, Abraham or Zarathushtra, were well known as most learned men. But whatever they learned, they learned from the love principle. What they knew was compassion, forgiveness, sympathy, tolerance, the attitude of appreciation, the opening of the heart to humanity.

Sympathy is something more than love and affection, for it is the knowledge of a certain suffering which moves the living heart to sympathy. That person is living whose heart is living, and that heart is living which has wakened to sympathy. The heart void of sympathy is worse than a rock ... The feeling of sympathy must be within, it need not manifest purely as sympathy but as an action to better the condition of the one with whom one has sympathy. There are many attributes found in the human heart which are called divine, but among them there is no greater and better attribute than sympathy, by which man shows in human form God manifested.

In a popular English song there is a beautiful line, which says, 'The light of a whole life dies when love is done.' That living thing in the heart is love. It may come forth as kindness, as friendship, as sympathy, as tolerance, as forgiveness, but in whatever form this living water rises from the heart, it proves the heart to be a divine spring. And when once this spring is open and is rising, then everything that a man does in action, in word, or in feeling is all religion; that man becomes truly religious.

A great poet has said in Hindi, 'Sympathy is the root of religion, and so long as the spirit of sympathy is living in your heart, it is illuminated with the light of religion'. This means that religion and morals can be summed up in one thing and that is sympathy, which in the words of Christ, as interpreted in the Bible, is charity. All beautiful qualities as tolerance, forgiveness, gentleness, consideration, reverence and the desire to serve -- all these come from sympathy. Another poet has said in Urdu that it was for sympathy that man was created, and the day when man discovers this special attribute in himself, he is shown his first lesson of how life should be lived.