Monday, August 26, 2013

My Life As The Limited Container

Thank you for the get well flowers!
Noticing how reentering an old lifestyle has limits.  Even if I am evolving, the perception of others can become a limit of sorts--a ceiling to bump up against.  Another mirror to examine one's self and blind spots? Do I want to grow beyond that perception or stay within it? Do I have a choice?

The opportunity to examine the nerve impulses for incontinence, paralysis, and loss of lower body function has been quite an opportunity to let go of more.  My car and body were the last two hold outs and they were removed for a short stretch of time.  I am fortunate to be recovering and will in principle do so fully, but the education and insight into wellness has been stunning.  Vulnerability, compassion for self, and assistance are remarkable to visit as a warrior.

The car is a total loss, but living "responsibly" has maintained a high credit rating, so a new car was easy. While going through the financial contract, a depth comparable to sitting at the ashram appeared.  The lender was spiritual and asking questions, I was sharing what I had learned from Gurudev, and we were both temporarily separated from the action at hand. One never knows when the veil is pulled back. Thank you for the lesson.

The desire to fly and move blindly forward into the unknown is calling and welcoming. Looking forward to New Zealand, Australia, and India.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Human Decency In Spite Of Whatever The World Is Dishing Out

Becoming aware of a profound state of self (Self?) and relationship to others.  My highest state of "right action" was always in regard to animals and nature; humans, they could fend for themselves. Now, I see that gap has given my ego an opening to separate from my deepest inner self.  "Right thought, right intention, right action etc." all have to be in alignment with the integrity of the soul's intention and with whatever contact is made to life --inward or outward. Obvious?  

I was examining some lint I was sensing regarding two of my dearest friends.  We all have decent human intentions, but we still fall from "right action."  Sometimes this is easier to see in others than in one's self.  Learning that if my attention is getting drawn to anything outwardly then I need to look at my part in it. The words have translated to a deeper sense of accountability, responsibility, and integrity for "right" action. (And yes, right action could be a discussion in itself due to the limits of the person taking action.)

Interviewing a wise friend/mentor, observing relationships, reflecting on the current state of loss/injury/separation, and living with vulnerability/unknowing have inspired this new state of awareness. "Out of the darkness grows the light." 

Is there anything more important than human decency in spite of whatever the world is dishing out?  Serious homework.  My self assigned homework that received a nod from Gurudev was another stepping stone/marker on the path.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

The Walk

Santa Rosa, California
Nice to be walking and nice to share a walk with old Oak Trees and more.  It isn't often that I go for a walk down the sidewalk, but wanted to test out the body.  What a lovely result and had fun with the camera.  And why does is take an accident to motivate something so simple and so lovely? Beautiful morning.  Cordial people.

Oaks are one of my favorite trees.  Cool to provide protection awareness.
Surrender pile is busy again.  What next?

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Perspective--Very Lucky To Walk Away

Amazing we both walked away...

The car doing its' job as an impact reducer.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Different Perspective

Waiting for a CAT scan

Nothing like a car accident to give one a change of perspective.   Nice results, only 2 cracked neck vertebrae wings and a very bruised body.  We know life can change in a moment, so interesting to touch that every now and then.  Could have been life changing instead of a pause.  Sent home the same day and the other driver is okay too.  We had both been driving at 45 mph in opposite directions, he reached down to get his GPS, his car turned in front of mine... There was a very surreal moment to see a car at a 90 degree angle in front of me.

It was beautiful to experience all of the care offered by everyone.  Thank you!!!  Many tears of gratitude.  I spent some time very quietly, sitting in the essence of the ashram, and amazing to feel the shakti move through the two halves of my body.

Resting for a few days.  Cathy is riding her horse again and my horse is in the hands of a very capable caretaker, so the timing was good. The people at the hospital said it was really helpful that I am in good condition.  I wonder if football players feel like this the morning after the game?

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Animals As The Bridge

A transformative piece revisited. Thank you HIS. Thank you India.
As the separation from True Nature appears to come and go, it is fascinating to experience where the gap becomes narrowed and how the awareness moves into more variations of life.  Meditation, reflection on spirituality, memories of spiritual experiences/people, and discussions appear to trigger the narrowing of the gap or complete emersion.  For me, It is alway present while in the presence of horses. A new bridge is experiencing It with people who are deeply connected to the spiritual path and animals. While discussing animals with the intention of the depth of presence experienced with spiritual presence--It pervades the space. The pool of presence in the wake state is widening and the gap to a consistent state of presence is narrowing.

Inner peace feels like a form of ego vibration compared to this new state emerging.  Maybe it is the refinement of what inner peace is?  Progress in riding is often based on refining the basics.  Some people view it as a regression, but I experience it as going more deeply into the purity of what is behind all actions.  The first few days held some apprehension, but that has already dissolved to a childlike wonderment of what is possible, beyond--the escalator is humming again. The shakti can be almost drowning, but I recognize the transformative texture--personal, inward, and ecstatic.

The outer opportunities are becoming clearer lesson plans for the inner expansion and dissolving of fixations.

The spiritual animal group recognizes their role as a bridge to consciousness through the animal's as teachers.  This may be my role too, but I am learning from their role at this point. Thank you.

There is some sadness from stepping away from my daily contact with Jaz. He has been a remarkable touchstone whether in his direct presence or away. Hmmm--sounds like some other touchstone I know... Nice to experience the human emotions as part of the fun of sensory input instead of as pure pain.

Sunday, August 4, 2013


Squash garden
Trip details finalized for New Zealand and Australia.  Tickets bought for India. Jaz moving to new location on Sunday. Planning to take corrective exercises exam at the end of August. Working on template for Selfeeds' Virtual Riding Program with Heather. Moved myself to a new location. Finished ranch sitting.  Interview for book material is going splendidly. Life is moving right along.

Moments of staggering depth appear periodically sprinkled amongst the outer manifestations. The significance of truth as an inner resonance is so important for minimizing lint accumulation.  Discernment surrounding taking action with something one touches, is touched by, or feels the inclination to touch is a point of current examination.