Saturday, November 29, 2014

It Is Possible

Thank you Ultimo as part of the seedbed.
Over twenty years of development, but to witness the harmony between the horse and rider was well worth the journey. It is possible. The seeking led me to Europe, Africa, and India while using America as the foundational springboard. Jaz and a few other horses showed me it was possible to develop this vision of inner strength, flexibility, range of motion, integration, and fluidity. But the final test was could I teach someone to have the feel and timing to align and ride this harmonic state of the horse. Yes, it is possible. Will there be more? Or was it meant for solely integrating something in my soul's journey? Thank you Cathy and Sandoval for the opportunity to manifest at least one of the visions. Potentially, number two has appeared. Let's see what happens.

Decided to dive into the dancing once more. After peak season at the box loading job, I will train with a professional who is physically perfectly matched--size and feel. Unfinished business? Letting go at new depths into the exquisite nature of the outer world. Experiencing the outer world from this new inner awareness. Gurudev posed the potential state of "Heaven on Earth" shortly before my departure.

Examining the joy that abounds in a newish human relationship and the rekindling of relationships with family/friends. How different to experience all of this without a need or attachment, but as a point of human enjoyment and sharing of different living composites walking on the planet.

The Ecstasy Beyond Knowing
Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan
(Thank you Bhavani for this remarkable gift. It is providing more weaving material!)

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Two Legged Experiment

     Immersing myself in the two-legged world minus a four-legged shield is proving to be remarkable. As a race, we tend to want to spiral, hang on, lash out, self medicate, climb over one another, and more. It would be easy to fall down and stay down in this layer of humanity. The journey to move through this and to know one's self as Source is quite single pointed.

     Examining multiplicity, simplicity, fullness, and emptiness which all aid in feedback for piercing the layers/veils/states to equanimity/inner peace. I have still harbored some suspicion around detachment as a place of uncaring and inaction, but not tethering my self to anything has proven to be quite freeing while still caring and taking action. Walking between the scaffolded and unscaffolded state is all part of this learning curve. Balancing the wrenching desire to submerge one's self in this place behind the mind where the heart is the master and meeting the requirements of living with a body on the planet: slowly learning how it is all one and the same. Stepping out of my comfort zone and into the two-legged world has continued to support my spiritual evolution. Giggle--of course! Hands off the steering wheel 101. The necessity of duality to uncover unity. The perfection of the Design. Pranam. 

Monday, November 17, 2014


A lot has changed in 50 years...
Birthdays stimulate reflection. What is left on my bucket list? Signed up to take a tandem hang glider ride when there is enough wind. I have always wanted to jump off a cliff and fly. A lot has happened in fifty years. Remarkable grace. My only wish is to see Gurudev again--hopefully after the seasonal work intensity.

Check mark list:

Meeting and learning from Gurudev
40 plus years of horses
20 plus years of dancing
good health
world travel
friends and family around the world
meeting birth parents
reuniting with my brother
college education
place to live
bounty of healthful food

The order of the list should be a hologram. What next?  

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Safety Net

(and spiritually...)
The fear of going deeper was yet another mental construction. I wondered if there was some sort of safety net, so when I let go without needing to have confirmation, it appears to have given me the answer. The path unfolds in relationship to my design and capacity. Faith in the letting go opens the door to something new. The appropriate "answer" is always available as part of the wisdom in the fabric of Source. This feels like a safety net of sorts or what I have felt as the Divine Womb. Knowing this has allowed a new sense of freedom for both realms to continue to emerge as needed. Today is the first day the voice showed up while loading boxes, not unlike my walks in India. Fun! Spiritual growth and integration while in motion.

The place I ride from is deeper than where I experience most people. Riders talk about wanting to connect with their horse partners, but they need to work on their scratchiness to do this. Animals are so patient. Selfseeds still has many possibilities.

The first book, "Through The Eyes Of The Horse" is in the countdown stages to be submitted to a publishing house. The second book has begun in ernest.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Living With Parts Of The Scaffolding Dismantled

The past ten months have been an integration of living in the west with part of the normal western world scaffolding dismantled. I have been examining this straddling of the two realms of spirituality/materiality, but from the more spiritual view point.  The longing to go deeper has been like an erie siren from the depth of my heart, but with the voice saying, "Not yet." Gurudev said to learn to listen to the voice, but I did have a point of indulgence in the depths. It was beyond emotion, but tears were streaming; I returned, but with some sort of shift that has allowed me to grasp the next homework assignment--navigating from the dismantled side in and amongst daily life. I have been living from the context of the next homework assignment, but it was lovely to get a confirmation from a wonderful book that I am reading. It is such a foreign perspective to operate from, I was unsure. It has been gradual but steady over the past almost four years. The lovely part is that it appears to always have an opening to Source which is grace, since daily life continuously streams opportunities for inner disturbances.  Patience and presence will continue to support this new awareness.

A new walk begins... There is a continuity in the awareness of the soul's evolution to consciousness both inwardly and outwardly. The two states of being become one, not unlike the ladders of knowledge and devotion merging into Oneness. Yet another path that leads to Oneness. Separation of self and Self is even diminishing. Grace.

Sitting on a new horse has brought a clarity around the horse as a vessel of simple, pure vibration. I better understand what an important part of the weave horses have provided in supporting my state of being before what has unfolded in the presence of Gurudev and Pahari Baba.

The new state is quite simple and childlike from an inner perspective. Many of the adult concerns are diminishing, but I can still take action from a point of discernment, responsibility, and clarity. I have questioned this, since everything feels somehow inside out. Part of the adjustment moving from East to West. The two bucket system on a personal level. The evolution of the soul is making more and more sense. As I look at the children's book that Gurudev favors, I better understand why it is a favorite.

Monday, November 3, 2014


Swimming at the bow of the boat--effortlessly
Playing with the boat
Monterey Bay
Humpback Whale taking a breath
Walking on a Santa Cruz beach at sunset
Turning my will to a place of patience. Patience for myself and the unfolding of life. Calm and tranquility are textures I would associate with patience. Let go and patience appear to be relatives.

Connecting with friends and family from around the world is moving like a blur. Checklist almost completed in 8 months. Grace