Thursday, January 29, 2015


Oneness Fully Realized
Stagnation, scratchiness, inauthenticity... appear to be the nature of separation. It feels like my fire walk into humanity is winding down. I see the commonality of the cycles whether one is a CEO, medical practitioner, engineer, accountant, therapist, and so on. There is no hiding, so I have no doubt that homework will appear, but I am feeling the pull to let go of my self imposed homework assignments and live in the beauty of what I know as Self and the diligence of living a self-examined life. Sigh. How lovely.

Feb 25th the walkabout begins in Florida.

I am clear about what criteria I would need to be comfortable training horses humanely. A support team is available in Northern California and I do truly enjoy riding and teaching, so letting go of it all and seeing what emerges.

Involving myself in a relationship is no competition for my spiritual practice. I was curious since the writings often implore this as a distraction of magnitude.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Testing Ground

Walking the talk of what I have learned to date has been challenged by the two-legged work environment. Wonderful deep conversation with the human resource person and the center manager. Conclusion: not to lose sight of one's inner state while tromping about in the outer rigors of life. Fact check is in alignment with spiritual truths. The work is in the doing of being. Standing up again and forging ahead. Trying to set boundaries from the inner alignment and not the ego/outer alignment.

A year ago, I told Gurudev that I was committed to the spiritual path and that it made sense. Attempting to walk in alignment with it has continued to foster capacity building and is a definite work in progress. Now starts the new year.

Nice weekend in Montana interviewing an animal healer. This work is precious to sit in the presence of someone who has lived a self examined life and listen to her points of wisdom. Grace.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Mute Button

Not sure why, but my life has always included people with addictions. I have turned this facet of human nature over and over, but I think I finally understand it. My first dance partner who is now ninety has lived through addiction and mentored others for addiction abuse for over twenty years. He and his wife have fielded my questions over the years, but a recent situation has encouraged me to examine it all again.

Social drinking to dependency (usually emotionally/mentally) to addiction (usually physically, mentally, and emotionally): the progression to addiction. Yes, drugs and alcohol are potentially progressive by nature.

Hearing first hand experiences from this wise, self-examined person, we decided that substance abuse is like hitting the mute button on life. Instead of dealing with life, a time out is generated in an artificial way. He has begun to meditate in a self help group. The inward walk is moving him towards some unresolved areas even though he has been sober for a very long time. How inspiring to talk with a couple who at ninety and eighty-nine who continue to examine life, themselves, and an inward state.

His wife has taken refuge in the inner voice since she was seven years old. It gave her the strength and wisdom to see her husband through addiction and to change patterns from her own challenged childhood.

Profound for me to speak with someone who has a similar scientific, inquiring approach to living and has been guided by a voice. She spoke of never feeling alone and part of something bigger then words. The desire for hitting the mute button was never a part of her life. She wasn't ever trying to avoid life, since the relationship with the voice always helped to guide her and never feel alone.  As her husband witnessed us speaking about it, his comment was that he would like a part of what we were discussing, because of the depth of loneliness he has experienced.

Maybe this is the difference in one's perspective that leads to the need for a mute button? What a gift to uncover more of what lies inside the human condition.

Taking it another step farther, I see how it relates to capacity building which gives one a greater ability to walk in the insanity plan. Pranam as the tears well up in gratitude for what I am learning about my true nature: Source as the fabric of Absolute Truth and Love. The dark star-filled environment that I had the privilege of experiencing with Pahari Baba enveloped me as I examined the connection. Profound to understand this point of separation and how deep the root is for what happens as our lives unfold.  More concretization of what has unfolded in the past thirty years has taken me full circle to the baby locked in the metal box: a point of transition that awakened will and guidance from something beyond myself. Only now I understand it was the Self. I had called it the alien until recently when Gurudev encouraged me to use this as my inner guidance.

The ability to love all from one place while navigating the eruption of ego into a more exteriorized place is making sense. Setting boundaries is coming from a less personally distorted place which lends itself to less emotional twirling, falling down, and standing up. The morning job will be drawing to a close, but it has been remarkable for helping me to better understand the human insanity plan--intensively. Witnessing the condition of alcohol distortion between two lovers has also been a tremendous teacher.

As one door closes, yet another one opens...

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Integration Of The Awareness In The Day To Day Walk

"At first, the human seeker appears as a bee and God as a lotus. Finally, one realizes that God is the bee and humankind the lotus."


Saturday, January 10, 2015

"Seeing Through The Eyes Of The Horse"

Nancy Kasovich

"We have stories to tell, stories that provide wisdom about the journey of life. What more have we to give one another than our 'truth' about our human adventure as honestly and as openly as we know how?"

~Rabbi Saul Rubin

"Seeing Through The Eyes Of The Horse" has reached its destination for review. Thank you Nancy and Laura for a new part of the journey opening up.

Trip to Europe and India all in place. Interviews in Montana, Florida, France, Portugal, and Hungary are coming up. Icing on the cake to then sit in the presence of Gurudev while working on shaping the interviews into shared wisdom from the depth of the human experience. Pranam.

I met a horse trainer who understands what I am doing in my training of horses. She was classically trained. How exciting to meet someone who has ridden horses that were trained in this way. She is equally excited that I might be able to help her understand how to create it in her own horses. The horses in Portugal taught me balance and energy containment. The warmbloods post Germany taught me engagement. The ballroom dancing taught me how to utilize these three states practically and personally. I have simplified the training to BEE: Balance, Energy, and Engagement. The basics of classical riding are being lost to modern technology and time frames.

Currently, most trainers don't understand this very simple, pure approach to training. I was confused why I could not find anyone who could teach me this approach, since it a humane, complete way to engage the mind, body, and spirit of the horse. I eventually found one person and it changed everything. The frustration and anger have shifted now that I understand how long the principles of spirituality have existed and how challenged the two-legged community is to live by such classic, simple, pure principles. I eventually found one person (Gurudev) and it changed everything.

Gurudev had talked to me about his opinion on the cycles within living. I was contemplating the current state of global terrorism and reflecting on a chapter in "The Great Swan" where Ramakrishna talks about the state of disharmony on the planet. Of course this is part of the design and we are just living a modern version of it. It potentially sends us all inward.

Every morning while loading boxes in a state of chaos, I get to see the choice in motion; we go inward or we go outward. Giggle. Lesson plan continues to unfold.