Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Words As Veils

I enjoyed sitting with a group of people who I did not understand the language.  It allowed me to sit with the vibration or resonance of each being rather than the outward projection of words that can often fall short.  I have always felt inclined to be truthful, but now somehow, I feel a responsibility to think and speak truthfully.  Recognizing the origin of thought, I can appreciate how challenging it is to find accurate words, (manifested forms of thought), to communicate.  The second part of the challenge is the person who is reading or listening to the words. He or she has their own set of layers and unique, interpreting reference point for extrapolating the meaning of spoken or written communication received.

The transportation of thought has quite a tricky, human obstacle course to travel:  an idea develops, the idea is translated into words, the words are embellished with tones/nuances of expression, the words are received by a different vehicle (a human in this case), the words are translated back into thought, the thoughts are examined/digested by a vehicle with a unique story and slant on receiving/interpreting information.  WOW!!!  What a journey for an idea to be expressed and received with clarity.

Now that I don't have fear of two-leggeds, I am trusting listening with my heart first and hearing the words as decoration.  I have lived with this process with other animals, but it is a new clarity for me with two-leggeds.  The "scratchiness" I always experienced with humans was my fear mixed with a desire to trust my heart listening.  The voice of humans (written or spoken) is not always aligned to their heart, so a disconnect is experienced in the inner resonance versus the outward expression.

When I hear or read something from someone I have had a deep heart connection with and the words create a disconnect, I am more likely to stay in the truth of my heart and not jump to the path of uncertainty around the word path.  Another veil uncovered--the word veil.

'God is love'; when love is awakened in the heart, God is awakened there.
                        Bowl of Saki, May 29, by Hazrat Inayat Khan
Commentary by Pir-o-Murshid Inayat Khan:
Life's light is love; and when the heart is empty of love, a man is living and yet not living; from a spiritual point of view he is dead. When the heart is asleep, he is as though dead in this life, for one can only love through the heart. But love does not mean give and take. That is only a trade; it's selfishness. To give sixpence and receive a shilling is not love. Love is when one loves for the sake of love, when one cannot help but love, cannot do anything but love. Then one is not forced to love; there is no virtue in that. One does not love because another does. It is simply there. It cannot be helped. It is the only thing that makes a person alive. If a person loves one and hates another, what can he know of love? Can you love one person fully if at the same time you cannot bestow a kind glance on some other person? Can you say you love one person fully when you cannot bear him to be loved by someone else as well? Can you hate a person when love is sprinkled like water in your heart? Love is like the water of the Ganges. It is itself a purification. As the Bible says, 'God is love'. When love is awakened in the heart, God is awakened there. When a man has journeyed, he reaches the goal as soon as his heart has reached love.

The Sufi says, 'The Kaba, the divine place, paradise, is the heart of the human being'. That is why he has respect for every heart. Every heart is his Kaba, his shrine. The human heart is the place toward which he bows, for in this heart is God.
   from  http://wahiduddin.net/mv2/VII/VII_30.htm

Some object to Christ being called divine; but if divinity is not sought in man, then in what shall we seek God? Can divinity be found in the tree, in the plant, in the stone? Yes indeed, God is in all; but at the same time, it is in man that divinity is awakened, that God is awakened, that God can be seen.
   from  http://wahiduddin.net/mv2/X/X_1.htm

Thursday, May 24, 2012

One Note

Listening to and singing one note anchored me deeper into why I am going back to India.  The resonance of the sound is working to open and debride my inner capacity.  I can feel the transformational quality as the veil slips away.  It is truly a teacher and essence of the Divine.  

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The Root of Self Sabotaging Thought

Beneficial to observe the root of self sabotaging thoughts.  Learning to sing has been educational in more ways than the actual singing.  I had a lot of demons around the idea and action of singing, so Bhavani has been remarkable in her skillful unraveling of the unnecessary beliefs around singing.  We had traversed the initial block of fear a year ago, so I wanted to revisit the experience since heading feet first into the fire is my specialty right now.  In two lessons it is remarkable the progress, but I have found the root tendril of self sabotage/doubt/fear/insecurity once again.  When I unknowingly produce above average results everything is fine and I proceed blindly (which is the truth already), but when I receive praise or positive input on my "abilities", the little voice of the ego wants to jump in.  The thought starts as a very small inner disturbance--before there are any concrete thoughts.  But then it happily goes on to create a story that is quick to judge, question, and doubt.

The interesting discovery for me is that I am learning to sing without engaging the left side of the brain, so  an inner disturbance becomes quickly noticeable.  The singing part of my brain (for now) is where I also sit in stillness.  The mind is not really working other than a rudimentary awareness.  My nature is to be analytical, so it is an almost disturbing experience to be succeeding in something without using the familiar patterns.  My mind and ego keep wanting to find an access point to have the brain function climb over the fence to the other side.

One of my first spiritual assignments from Narayana Baba was to find the beginning of thought.  Now over two years later, the lesson is pulled up on the Rolodex with exquisite clarity.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

My Mother's Milestone

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

Congratulations to my mother for traveling through 84 years of life!  She is still managing the house and yard duties pretty much on her own.  Her lineage is one of longevity, but it is still impressive that she recently decided that maybe she shouldn't climb up on the roof any longer.

Family is a personal intensity walk, but it is stunning to experience the internal difference with the year of deep unveiling.  I continue to be in awe of the gift from the Universe.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

2 Personal Veils: Horses and Women

A New Outer Garment

The walk down the driveway.
Experiencing life without an exoskeleton is already becoming ok.  The removal of the hard, impenetrable surface feels like it has been replaced with a transparent, flexible body contoured sheath--not unlike the mantel I felt I was wearing for a period of time in the ashram.  Before when I would become aware of the grace of Absolute Love, I would experience it as a penetration of my heart, but now it uniformly ignites my entire body.  It is showing up as a state of being and it appears to be socially acceptable outer wear.

An edge of the pond.
The Maple Tree with its new growth lining the driveway.
An algae bloom on the pond.
The Canadian Geese on the walk to bring the horses in.
So simple and so elegant...

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Absolute Abundance

Recently, there was a moment that I experienced the difference between the beauty of abundance and Absolute Abundance.

As in all societies, there are many shades of grey.  I have been fortunate to live in the shade with abundance, excellent health/wellness, work, love, manifestation of goals, and the perks of more stereotypical western living.   Although, I still experienced pain in my heart and the question of "Is this it?" which led me eventually to the feet of a living spiritual master. But what really was the point of separation?  I think that awareness has surfaced. Returning from India there was the immediate physical comfort and abundance that encapsulated my physical world and I still felt like a radiated being from the shift in energetic capacity. But what I have grown to observe/sense as I swim in the stream with my tribe?

As an individual, I still have to hold myself accountable for keeping the lint filter cleared off.  With the outward ease, it is easier to let the lint accumulate from the thought form world.  I can create and carry the same energetic heaviness from thought forms (all of the negativity of news, political campaigns, Hollywood gossip, etc.) as I would experience walking down the road to the gym in India with the ongoing physical harassment.  Sure, one is mental and one is physical, but it appears to have a similar affect on the body--a dampening of the state of internal peace.

My interest has been to merge all of it together, so once again I see that I am the limiting vehicle.  In my laziness of letting the thought forms accumulate, it is creating a plaque of sorts.  While in India, I was constantly observing and digesting the disturbances so the plaque could not obscure the work in the ashram and dig through the layers I was already wearing.  I was working to integrate both worlds (inner and outer.)  While currently living with such material ease, it is easy to let the vibration of undigested material to pile up, so back to work.  Being is a form of stillness, but there is an aliveness in it and subtle activity of alertness.  At this point, the being requires a filtering and skillful digestion of whatever wants to create an obscuration from the purity of the Divine.

There was a day in India where I experienced the difference between human love and Absolute Love.  Absolute Love enlists a depth of house cleaning that is beyond words.  For me, it is the place where surrender and uncontrolled tears well up and flood over.  It becomes very noticeable when any action, thought, or word separates one from that connection.  There is no going back.  The awareness is haunting in its clarity.  It is a place of grace, but at this point, it feels like a place of personal accountability to keep taking action to continue walking into that light.  Returning to America is helping me to discern another subtlety in the layers/veils.  Pranam to the wisdom of the Divine Genealogy.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Fun In The Backyard

Checking out the world of the two-leggeds

Cathy's cat and a local buck

A Legal Drunk

The mystic desires what Omar Khayyam calls wine; the wine of Christ, after drinking which, no one will ever thirst.
                        Bowl of Saki, May 12, by Hazrat Inayat Khan
Commentary by Pir-o-Murshid Inayat Khan:
There are many ideas which intoxicate man, many feelings there are which act upon the soul as wine, but there is no stronger wine than the wine of selflessness. It is a might and it is a pride that no worldly rank can give. To become something is a limitation, whatever one may become. Even if a person were to be called the king of the world, he would still not be emperor of the universe. If he were the master of earth, he would still be the slave of Heaven. It is the person who is no one, who is no one and yet all. The Sufi, therefore, takes the path of being nothing instead of being something. It is this feeling of nothingness which turns the human heart into an empty cup into which the wine of immortality is poured. It is this state of bliss which every truth-seeking soul yearns to attain.
   from  http://wahiduddin.net/mv2/VIII/VIII_2_8.htm

Wine is symbolical of the soul's evolution. Wine comes from the annihilation of grapes, immortality comes from the annihilation of self.
   from  http://wahiduddin.net/mv2/XIII/XIII_8.htm

I drink the wine of Thy divine presence and lose myself in its intoxication.
   from  http://wahiduddin.net/mv2/say/vadan_alankaras.htm

When the soul is illuminated, it will desire to find some other soul illuminated in like manner, and will find great joy and bliss in its society. Such a one will surely find others who are on the verge of illumination. Even a drunkard will find others to drink with. And so it is mystically. A very little light can be turned into a flame, and that flame into a very big flame. Why is it better to become a mystic than to remain a drunkard? As a matter of fact a drunkard will never be satisfied. The mystic will look for what Omar Khayyam calls wine: the wine of the Christ, after drinking which no one will ever thirst. He will always seek the wine whose intoxication never wears off. It is the only wine: the intoxication of the divine love.
   from  http://wahiduddin.net/mv2/VII/VII_21.htm

There is a wine which the mystic drinks, and that wine is ecstasy. A wine so powerful that the presence of the mystic becomes as wine for everyone who comes into his presence. ... That intoxication is the love which manifests in the human heart. What does it matter, once a mystic has drunk that wine, whether he is sitting amongst the rocks in the wilderness, or in a palace? It is all the same. The palace does not deprive him of the mystic's pleasures, and neither does the rock take them away. He has found the kingdom of God on earth, about which Jesus Christ said, 'Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you.'
   from  http://wahiduddin.net/mv2/X/X_3.htm

Friday, May 11, 2012

Removal Of The Exoskeleton

The points of "extreme" surrender appear to be the acid washing of the lint screen rather than just taking the garden hose to it.  Another noticeable adjustment to what has unfolded is the alignment to truth in the spoken and written word. I have always been truthful, but somehow the refinement of the truth-meter has created a greater awareness of resonance in every point of communication--or in more simplistic terms, I appear to be holding myself accountable at a more refined level.

One of the recent energetic experiences was as if the grace was raining down from the sky in a penetrating deluge--the dump trucks already appear to be outdated.

I have had the urge to revisit my singing phobia as a way to challenge my "letting go"/operation without judgement/ego in an area that has a lot of history.  While I was trying it out, I recognized that I was holding back and separating from the commitment to the sound, but when I aligned to the vibration it produced a stream of tears that isn't very useful for creating sound.  It was as if I had debrided my entire physical being and now outwardly I was exposed as my inner truth.  Sort of like the shrimp and turtles in the BP oil spill who now have no exoskeleton, but without the environmental impact.  A new state of being is somehow unfolding.


Wednesday, May 9, 2012

To My Knees In Surrender

It is always about facing the internal fire.  No running away, closing the door, or disregarding something that is touching my heart so deeply--the animal world.  How many times do I need to circle back to this spot without a solution?  At a point of absolute surrender, not unlike the states of pre-fracturing, I entered the stillness.  From the stillness came Selfseeds.  I had been mentally moving it in the direction of purely the humans in search of personal management, but why not let it sprout in the equestrian realm.  The place it grew out of and see what happens.  An offering to be of service in some capacity.  It is Sue who is being resistant--not my heart and soul.

(Just finished this video introducing the Selfseeds program before I dove into the stillness.)

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Pulled Into The Pain Center Again

The pain from the horse/animal world drove me to look for answers with the two-leggeds.  I have more understanding and compassion now, but realize it is still an insane/unconscious world that I won't be fixing anytime soon.  Continuing to work with the less than square-atom of real estate that I take up, but less and less desire to step back into the animal world.  I ran across another Totilas story that is very close to home and I realized that I have lost my momentum for swimming upstream against the stream of unconsciousness around animals without a voice.  I can do my part by being conscious in the areas that I touch directly, but does that really mean living and breathing it?  It feels like a bit of a break to just deal with the insanity of the two-legged world minus the animals.  The "no" column is getting clearer.  Teaching would be the only way it could make sense if I was meant to stay linked.  I have been examining my potential separation from the horse community from many angles.  Something is starting to shift at a very, very deep level--the place where I experience the penetration of Absolute Love.

Selfseeds Personalize 5 Walking at Bodega Bay (short video) www.Selfseeds.com

Monday, May 7, 2012

Another Walk With Bhavani

Bhavani is healing well and getting A+'s from her physical therapist.  Views from a local walk.  How amazing:  sand, beaches, bay, ocean, rocks, wind, trees, flowers, and a friend.

Pacific Ocean

(Relative to the ancient trees in Vrindavan?)

Bodega Bay
Perfect weather for kite flying

Saturday, May 5, 2012

A Different View

View from the second floor--early morning

View of the house from the backyard
Yet another adventure.  House-sitting is always an adventure and it was lovely to experience such beauty in the landscape, quietness of a house without neighbors, and the animals.  I was reminded of their communication from within, (no words needed), unconditional love, and connection to presence.  I now understand why Gurudev kept making reference to the remarkable teaching that came from living and listening to the animal world.  At this point, I still feel drawn to take a continued break from the horse training world and explore more deeply this new awareness of the Divine.

As I retrace my earlier path, meet with friends/relatives, and open to the new unfolding, I marvel at the inner freedom and change in capacity for compassion, patience, and stillness.  There is no need to run, hide, or retreat when recognizing that all is part of the One. While being with this new capacity, I continue to open and trust the unknown and the not knowing.  The vastness is staggering and creates a giggle to ripple through me at the thought that I was "in control."

Garden beauty

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Vast Differences In Houses

House/Animal Sitting in a house were the drawers close themselves and I turned on the heated floor while looking for the light switch.  The views are remarkable too.  There are Canadian Geese, deer, and bobcats instead of elephants, camels, and mongoose. The house animals have been meditating with me.  Their simple presence is so lovely--no lint.  They are always setting an example.  Remarkable shakti at times.  Do you think the Divine plays with us as rag dolls sometimes?