Growing up with three older brothers, always building forts/climbing trees with the local boys, starting on a little league team before switching to softball, and numerous examples of my friendships/associations/ease of camaradarie with the masculine world. Guys were cool and easy to hang out with. Actually, I found women way more complicated, emotional, and calculating. Over the years, I have experienced the darker side of men and their desire to use physical aggression as a control over me or other women I have met. What is this part of the male psyche that they revert to physical strength, domination, and violence? Is it all related to testosterone?
Even as a woman horse trainer who has worked with 1,200 plus pound animals, has above average fitness/strength for a female, and can hold my own, I have been threatened and disturbed by the testosterone laden layer of humanity. As time has passed, I have learned more about the world, looked at the sex slave trade, gang raping as genocide, spousal abuse, sexual harassment, and more in light of the disrespect of women. What is the root of this?
My own theory is that somewhere men became afraid of our mystery, intuition, and cleverness and decided their best hope to control us was through muscle, lighting "witches" on fire, wearing chastity belts, and countless actions of violence. Yes, men are stronger, but is that their only strength? Why are men making decisions about the rights of women to have abortions when they have been raped? They aren't raped by women. Why are men making decision about the use of birth control? Why are children abducted and forced into the life of sexual prisoners? They are not put in these conditions to be homosexually violated most of the time? And what about all of the underground and not so underground pornography? Are women digging cells under their houses to create a storage area for sex slaves (recent incident in China-not to forget about the incidents in Austria, US and more)? Do you hear about men being shackled and physically violated (yes, they do exist and I am sorry, but you are not the majority. The violations are still predominantly by men)? What about all of the incidents at home where women have "accidents" and it is from spousal abuse. The world has a lot of challenges, but for some reason this one topic has pulled on me for years. I have turned the stone over and over to try and understand it, make space for what I don't understand, and stay open to what I can learn.
Being in India with not always so polite men has ignited this line of questioning again. Yes, men are stronger, but why don't they understand how they demonstrate their inner weakness by reverting to this behavior. Is it the point where they lose contact with anything that resembles consciousness? My next door neighbor decided to "puff up", act aggressive, beat on his chest like he was King Kong, tell me how much he would like to beat me if I was a man, and proceed to shout, strut, slam doors, and act irrational over something that hurt his ego--not his body. Wow, and he is on a "spiritual path." How different would the world be if we had respect, patience, and some compassion for just each other on a basic level.
It is so ironic (or maybe not) to be looking at this physical manifestation of abuse while deepening into a new territory of spiritual unity and inner tranquility. Maybe I need to add a third ladder to my climb. As women who are physically weaker than men (remember, they were the hunters and we were the gatherers, but we worked as a team), do we overlook these "indiscretions", stay present, and only hold space for light? Does the resistance only spur on the physical violence? Is the Divine really present in these ultimate challenges and we cannot see the entire tapestry? The work has lead me to ask these questions from a place of inner stillness--not fear or anger. But the thoughts are alive.
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