Wednesday, August 31, 2011

The spider web

Growing up in a household where what wasn't said was often as important, (or more), than the spoken word,  one learns to be very observant and sense the vibration of everything.  It creates an operating style based on mistrust first and then move towards trust if the coast is clear.  I am sure everyone does this to some degree, but it can create an internal hard wiring that is always a little bit "on" while in the wake state.

While sitting in the presence of Gurudev,  I find that I am sitting with that vibrational level of reluctance to really trust this entire picture.  Is it discernment?  Or is it remnants of my unwillingness to trust fully?  He doesn't say much to me and he made it clear not to pay attention to what he is telling others, since it is directed to their specific situation and not mine, (that was a group offering.)  He is always very kind, patient, and willing to answer my questions.  So as I merge into all of this, I find that thread--like a spider's web thickness--strong but thin hanging on.

I have fallen down a couple of deep caverns and there was a helping hand.  I have mentally spun out on a few topics and there was only love.  I have had bad mental behavior and there was only patience.  I have had intense anguish and there was only compassion.  I asked if I should be practicing something I read about, (like Kriya Yoga) and there is no need.

He keeps making it easier instead of harder.  Keep it simple, just keep with what I am doing--meditating and contemplating what comes up while sitting or that appears in the action of living.  No practices, no rituals, no statues, nothing...  Listen to my heart and keep evaluating my actions.

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