So what does 10 rupees buy?

Magic 101

10 rupees (about 25 cents USD):  2 small packages of cookies, 1 larger package of cookies, 1 magic show by a young boys whose eyes take on the similar dullness of women forced into prostitution, 4 small bananas, 1 container of yogurt, 1 small boy offering to take pictures or sell some type of street food... Remarkable unbalances.  A thumbnail sketch of the global haves and have nots--probably don't need to give examples.  The joy of opening your heart capacity while sitting still in the awareness of the world view is that you can fill it up with more pain and suffering--there is an endless supply.  A difference is that it isn't my personal pain and suffering.   I suppose I need to look at this as progress. I have it made as I walk to the ATM machine, withdraw money, treat myself to a 65 rupee latte, and retreat to my safe haven with fresh food, bottled water/running water, and only my thoughts as an inner drama.  More to learn, more to integrate, and more to let go of.  Does the searing pain of awareness ever end:  suffocating futility as you drop into the reality/illusion of it all.

The cow who had the broken leg

The cow with the broken leg is back.  She is alive, looks content enough, and finding her way.

So after reaching a pretty low point sensing into the current world devastation, I had to momentarily resist an urge to fall back into Western society and just sink into some material focus and be done with all of this nonsense.  Nice try ego.  That lasted only a short time before remembering that I have been there, done that option.  What other options are there?  Back into the surrender box-- what next on the bonfire to find some tolerable level of peace while amongst global tragedies. Of course, trust and open the heart.
All of this sounds good on a mental level, but what is it on a deeper level?

I found out that I could volunteer at an orphanage, but they wanted a 5 day a week commitment, 4 hours a day, and 2 plus hours worth of a bus ride.  I could do that, but what is bugging me?  Hoping to look into the animal shelter this week too. How much time do I want to take away from the focal point of why I am here?  I was visualizing 2-3 days a week, so I could integrate being in the outer world charitably with what I am deepening into.  In addition, I have been digesting 3 books (humanitarian approach, endangered animal approach, and Autobiography of a Yogi) which parallel my current thinking on choices for future life paths.  Crazy for me, but I had a moment when my mind switched off and I started into an hour of tears.  I totally got how much I love the Divine and how much I want to dedicate myself to that pathway.  It probably seems obvious to an outsider who is looking at a person who has just upended her life to dedicate it to answering spiritual questions in India.  I have been accepting this invisible guidance, but when I had to make a choice between work (which I understand) and this privilege to go deeper under the tutelage of Gurudev, I really became aware of my heart's desire.  Jai Guru. More faith and letting go....love and surrender is your best armor.