Wednesday, January 30, 2013


The focus with the blog has been to be transparent and share my observations/experiences from Sue's truth. There was a recent point that I was willing to stand alone (ok, not completely true since now I have God) with zero friends, completely un-liked, and unsuitable for socialization into humanity.  The motivation was the truth.  Can the "collective we" act in a way that encourages honesty, integrity, and directness for the moment at hand and not offend anyone?  It may not always be pretty or pleasant, but can the beauty come from the honesty?  The rawness on the streets of India have opened me to this variety of beauty.  I have grown to appreciate the nauseating smells, the sea of land-garbage, the struggling animals/humans, and more because of the vitality in it.  As a kid, I had to keep everything organized in my sock drawer and here I get to dump the contents of the drawer on the floor if I want to. 

I have made a lot of mistakes and continue to do so in my attempt to be in alignment with  "my truth." Yes, many times it would appear to be at the expense of the others, but in honesty it comes from a passion to be authentic.  The texture of realness is invigorating and feels alive like a dancing flame. I grew up in a household with submerged passion and I would even go so far to say sterile.  When I would have creative outbursts, show emotions, and take action it was viewed as an upstart, rebellious, and problematic.  As I reflect, it is a texture that has been a theme for me and probably an unskillful way to touch the resonance level of realness.  Will I ever grow up and act socially correct?  I know how to if it required. I can eat with a knife in my right hand, a fork in my left, fold a napkin on my lap, consume soup without slurping, chew without smacking my lips, and the list continues on how to play the game.  But would I have found what I now consider the gems?  I wanted to go to a cave to discover these, but the Divine appears to have insisted I find them through the vehicles of scratchiness, (and I am a big contributor to the scratchiness.)

I have never made a request for forgiveness from others. I have been willing to accept the bumps, bruises, and scars of my search.  I do apologize for the marks I have left on others. Surprising, some people appear to still like me, call me their friend, share heartfelt stories, explore the meaning of life, stop me on the street to chat when we don't share a language, offer to help me navigate living in two widely separated homes, and more ingredients of friendship for the sake of being a caring human being.

If I had a bookcase for life, nature/nonhuman animals have been on a shelf above the one for humans.  Now, the shelf contains all three side-by-side.

Has the risk to be standing completely outside of my human tribe been a sacrifice?  Maybe for some, but for me it has been the path.  With the current game plan to live at the new  "zero point", it will probably organically start to curb my course, ruffian, axe-wielding nature, but that is okay;  the machete action in the jungle has led to the essence of Absolute Love and Truth.  As I observe all of the varieties milling about the airport and loading onto the plane, I feel a sense of inner peace, joy, and an absence of scratchiness. People are ok and this affords a lot of freedom for one viewed as an alien.

My parting tears to Gurudev were unleashed from the depth of a gratitude well.  And with his unwavering alignment to Absolute Love and Truth, he made a request.  It caught me off guard, since he never asks for anything.  It was to commit to an unbreakable vow of friendship with another person.  In my heart it had been no other, so it was an effortless request to fulfill.  Jai Gurudev!

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