Saturday, January 26, 2013

The List

A Full House
Wow, I got to ask all of my questions in one go.  They had been building up over the two weeks of Gurudev's retreat.  Most were spiritual and a smaller number were practical.   I handed him a piece paper with the list and a note to delete any or all as he felt compelled, but he said to go for it (not quite in those words.)

The many expression of Gurudev.  (Will have to make the materialistic move to get the next range of camera, so these shots aren't grainy.)
Yes, Mother Teresa was unique in her true selflessness, heart capacity, and manifestation of these qualities in society.  "Very few (underlined) are like her even though others are serving in many different ways."  So I will put her on the top shelf of human capacity for love of humanity and serving with pure devotion.  A true example of a pure instrument of the Divine.  When he looked me straight in the eyes and underscored the very few, the uncontrollable tears came that have signified touching something Divine.  Having an embodiment of God talking about that frequency of serving was like a gentle thread of lightening  touching deep into my heart.  It was the first question, so I wasn't sure if I was done already.   He must have turned the knob just enough that I could regroup and continue.  (It was that same point of soul immersion that happened when I looked in his eyes after the first pranam to the living form in two weeks--the Guru Factor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Orange robes, mantras, initiations are cultural, but not required.  It is the internal path and what one does with it.  No outward requirements in terms of accouterments.  Each person has different needs in their motivation, path finding, single-pointedness, and execution.  Even Synnasini does not need to be declared or acknowledged; just like a householder who can live mentally as a renunciate, no restrictions on beliefs. No harm in writing the Ramakrishna Order, but I can accomplish this one's life plan/manifestation of service without being in a group.

I will keep the room and when I brought up that I plan to come back, he didn't object.  For me the room is symbolic of the Gurudev/India part of the path as an open gateway rather than a financial consideration.  Yes, I can always stay in a hotel, but the pink, cement room has personality and it is SO CLOSE to the ashram.

Freedom in a body.  Gurudev just keeps removing all of the points of separation that crop up from learning about the uniqueness of each religion and culture relative to spirituality.  A lot less is floating in the soup and I can start to see how a thin, watery broth will be inevitable.  When I joined Girl Scouts, I didn't have any badges on my sash, so the goal became the check marks in the manual/patches for meeting requirements in different areas of interest.  In some ways, I was sensing that spiritual pageantry had sported a very, sophisticated hint of this--in some but not all.  Yes, the ego still at work in so many clever ways.

Full throttle after the retreat. The children's fair at the school too.
The idea of creating some sort of book from the first year of blogging had been a question, but after another year has passed, it all feels like part of the tide instead of a tsunami.  He said that in the years to come, my ideas and thoughts will go through a lot of changes, but the blogging itself has been a useful service and there is no reason to stop.  At a completely different level, I had asked why most spiritual books are biographical instead of autobiographical.  He agreed and noted that Yogananda was one of the only ones to write an autobiography.

He mentioned something about my heart capacity and ripeness on the spiritual path, so no restrictions...  Not sure what that means, but it all feels like a garden growing under my feet.  The seeds are planted and while continuing to live/meditate/read/work/exercise etc., I will wait and see what sprouts, examine the new growth, and decide how to proceed at that point--the enchanted garden.

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