Waltzing Horses: Something Cracking Again

Misperception 101. I was laughing at myself again. During the morning meditation, I have been listening to what I thought was the morning dishes being washed in the room next door. Wrong! The priest was washing and preparing all of the pans, bowls, etc. for the rituals.

Sitting with God and service to God is stirring some new unexamined areas. Perfect timing with the impending return to the West. I have the requirement list already in place, but what about the bigger picture? Even not sitting at the power packed divine presence of Gurudev is a transition. "Follow my heart." were his parting words.

For some reason, I decided to stay a little longer this morning. Just to sit and be with my Sue thoughts regarding the Divine. How important is God at this point in my life? Will I be distracted? Will I melt back into the material orientation of living? (Spiral staircase western style is coming up.) As I sat, the feeling of such deep love filled my heart cavity and it is the feeling that one recognizes as the grace of God--not an emotion, not sentimentality, and not a mental construction. The tears are always triggered with this deeper awareness and as I stayed still within my thoughts of gratitude, the energetic transformation also joined within my head. The beauty and sincerity of the moment was shared with the "dish washing" priest performing the morning puja. How could the temple be empty? Don't others want to share in this remarkable state of being?

I have been thinking and living the spiritual process 24/7 for almost 3 years now. Moments like this help to reaffirm the inner truth and all that is truly relevant in uncovering inner peace. The aftermath of the energetic field was a quality of emptiness that isn't related to loneliness. This has been a new addition to the energy experience and it is very, very tranquil. While I was sitting at the ashram on the day Gurudev departed, I remember feeling this. I am alert and capable of functioning, but the inner place seeps into the limitlessness with no push or pull from any movement. Just being.

While walking through the gateway at Mother Teresa's, I am already deeply struck by how friendly and cordial everyone is--patients and staff. It is like one big family. I have only been going there for 6 days and each person greets me like I am a life long friend. This is a new experience for me. I can sense the areas where outward kindness is difficult for me to assimilate at times. I had just come from a massive immersion of inward love and now to wade into a giant pool of outward love. Between the Sister's pure service and the patients who are glad just to be cared for and alive, the truth and sincerity of the love felt very pure. Gurudev is the maximum bar for unconditional love, but this feels like a relative.

Preparing the new garden area.

The time to observe, sit in the presence of, reflect, and read Ramakrishna Teachings has been so beautiful. I was thinking how sophisticated the patients felt at being a loving group. A remnant of the mornings experience alighted through me. If someone doesn't get up to go to a meal, others act as encouragers. If someone needs to drag themselves across the ground to get to a destination, no one blinks or makes them feel awkward. If someone was experiencing a fear of walking down the stairs, other jump into guide or cheerlead. The Sisters take it all in stride, but act quickly and succinctly as the situation warrants. This job would make one flexible--for sure. Struck by the attention to detail in the cleanliness and tidiness department.

One of the Sisters gardening

Just my "luck," I met someone who works globally as a volunteer--32 years coming to the MT House as one of many destinations. She gave me some great suggestion for moving forward with my desire to be in service, what type of group to attach myself too, and how to work some of the possible alert areas. More grace.