Thursday, October 4, 2012

Four Hour Walk Around Town

Nothing like a nice long walk to clear one's head.  I walked my original walk and then some extra just to walk, have no agenda, and experience life--checking in.  This new path has created a distortion in my old viewing lens which I think was the point.  Odd to move about in human density as if with it, but not a part of it.  There were moments that I needed to physically engage, but most of it felt like some sort of walking dream state.  It is all starting to feel that way. There are times at the gym that I lapse into more of my interiorization mode while my body continues to do repetitions.  At this point, I don't have a preference other than that the new option is very peaceful and somewhat amusing as my body takes on one role while my mind and inner being are in another.

Maybe I am becoming bipolar?  There was an article about chaining mentally challenged people to walls for years at a time as a way to manage them.  The patients had to eat, live, and defecate all on the chain. (I know of a lot of nonhuman animals that are asked to live this way.)  Before meeting Gurudev, I never could have managed that lifestyle, but now I might be able to.  There is a another person in the the Northern European community who killed a lot of people and he is getting sentenced to 26 years of isolation with his own exercise area and computer room--all expenses paid by the government.  How to sign up without killing anyone? (I haven't given up my perverse sense of humor or my regular humor, but it isn't getting exercised as much.)

(Had to offer a blessing and tears.  His chest was bloodied from the collar, he had fallen and skinned his knees, and had bloodied interference marks on his legs.  Can I take you home in my suitcase?)

No idea where it is all headed, but I did pay rent for another month, gym membership, and bills at home.  In some ways, it might be "easier" to just go back and pretend that the past two years have been some form of mental aberration--maybe the Divine's sense of humor?

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