|The morning view from my room.|
I wasn't doubting Gurudev's head nod that yes compassion, Absolute Love, and Absolute Truth needed to go on the surrender pile, but how? It felt very empty without those qualities on the mental menu, but I could appreciate that they were forms of attachment even if not "bad" ones. Was there going to be any motivation for acting as a "good" person? Would I collapse into a spiteful, mean-spirited, ego centric person without those virtues hanging over the mantel?
Should I be surprised that I actually found the step (dispassion) in the reading 2 hours later? Before reading it, I did decide that I am in this for the Divine, so whatever that translates to than I will try. I had asked Gurudev if there was something beyond those qualities that I could not see from my limited perspective and that "I won't know until I go there." He had one of those far away, unclouded looks in his eyes while I probably answered my own question.
I also recognized that the earlier surrender pile was composed of artifacts from my personality, personal story, beliefs, etc. that were wheelbarrowed to the pile to uncover the Divine, but now the offerings were to uncover a more refined aspect. It felt like the pile was now directly to the Divine.