How does 24 hours get anymore incredible? I thought I was slacking the past 24 hours sidelined with details for a new website/content, music for one of the videos, and "stuff" that was taking me away from sitting at the ashram. Part of the lesson must have been how quickly everything can change--again.
Last night when I got home from walking to the store, there was an apple waiting for me from a missed prashad at the ashram. As one can imagine, I was deeply touched by the thoughtfulness. With my recent transition to the bhakti path, this was a remarkable event to light the way. It is the small things (a match) that can ignite the fire.
In this process, I have noticed that all of my senses have increased, but my ability to observe my senses has too. Most sights, smells, sounds, tastes, etc. are manageable, but there are certain tones that resonate so deeply that some cut into my heart. Not very comfortable, so I have been curious how to work with that challenge. As I was reading the Gita, Gurudev gave me a bookmark with horses on it and said that he was offering it to me with love. Another "small" action that started a firestorm. There has been a list of remarkably kind offerings the past week, but what was different was to hear the word love from such a clear Being. I have always been skeptical of that word, since it is often used haphazardly, strings attached, hidden motives, and plenty of not so kind agendas. In this situation, the word was so clean that it didn't set off even a ripple through me and that got my attention.
It was a full house at the ashram, so I found a quieter place to sit with what was transpiring. Oh my--this is it. Love is the absolute way to embrace everything. I have read it, pondered it, experienced a spiritual moment of being in it, but my heart chakra got to experience it with less lint on the screen. It felt like I needed a couple of hand grenades, so I could explode my heart quick enough to make room for the ocean of love that wanted into my chest cavity. Or better yet, destroy everything that was physical so there was only unlimited space.
There was no more question around the pain from tone. When I stayed in this new place, the tone was wrapped in something forgiving and loving that took away the pain. As I was reading today, the inner peace that I had hoped to reach was addressed. After the past 24 hours, I am going to call it Absolute Love. The magnitude of this could be overwhelming if Gurudev wasn't monitoring the nursery!
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