Someone asked me a wonderful question: what has enabled me to make the transition to 100% surrender. A major point I didn't relay was loneliness. When you spend a lot of time alone, you don't always look at the obvious. As I kept looking at my "to do" list, I was repeating many points on the list, but was there something obvious that I was missing?
Being in a foreign country without friends or family is an obvious point for being alone. But what is the inside of loneliness? Can you face being alone for ever? Can you face being alone because you are forgotten? Can you face being alone because that is ultimately where you stand without distractions? Is being alone different from loneliness? I thought I was a professional at being alone, but I found out there was some pain around loneliness. I can always find something to do, but what about truly embracing the emotion of loneliness? It is sort of like falling off in a nettle patch--not too fun. Circling around the center of that was what Pema Chodrin calls "hot loneliness." I wanted to get to "cool loneliness." I got there, but with some of the same elements of relinquishing an addiction. What was left behind was spaciousness with a love and understanding of myself--partnering to the Divine becomes a remarkable dance step instead of something to put water on a fire.
The deepest part of me wanted to make the transition out of love--not fear, anger, pain, or need. Thank you for the question. It gave me a chance to catch my mind up with my heart.