The vitality in the silence is stunning. Who would want to leave? As I sit before the Masters from the past, within the cocoon of the ashram vibration, and at the feet of a living form of this inner expansiveness, a sense of profound respect, obligation, and commitment to try harder is the tidal wave. There is nothing more precious or important than this opportunity and not to squander it. When Gurudev answers my questions, the wave of the answer goes into satisfying several more questions that I didn't even know existed. When I asked the international caliber riding professionals what could I do to be in better alignment to the horse's spirit while training--they would look at me blankly or become disturbed by the depth of my asking.
I have always wondered if we were living in a dream and I start to understand that my perception wasn't quite wrong, but who would I have asked? That question I have had from childhood is starting to get an answer--the ability to walk in the dream (Earth plan) with an open heart, in service as a decent human being, and with a mental stillness that doesn't need to engage in the normal, messy human entanglement is the focus. The medium for this capacity is coming from the inner "soup."
Will I ever be able to walk away from the ashram and have the ashram within me? Homework!! Everyday I marvel at how much gets debrided and exposed--just trying to keep up if I can. Before, the limits and constraints were the partnerships, but now it is only me. More from the daily reading is helping with the debriding too. Ramakrishna and Ramana Maharshi got check marks as two Realized Spiritual Masters who lived and walked the talk as a fact check.