Woke up wondering how to have enough gratitude for touching this seemingly tranquil underpinning of my nature. With the mind asking questions, the ego was off and running. Always interesting how one aspect of inquiry leads one deeper and another aspect leads one away. It has taken a single-pointed focus to get to that "tranquil" zone, (along with grace), so staying in contact with it may need more of the same. On reflection, I have visited the zone a few times over the past 6 years (by "chance"), but this time has a lot more assembled pieces of the story and how I got "there" (stories are always fun.)
No, I am not giving up the connection, so now what? The ego wanted to find a creative angle to self worth, qualifying, and the loop from the past, as I was inquiring into why my ego wanted to twist gratitude and humility into something with rough edges. In my walk of examining Source, I always accepted there was some sort of power source (no name and abstraction was comforting), then I was introduced to Pahari Baba (not a "living" form but the frequency was life changing), and onto Gurudev (the living, breathing, walking form of a frequency inferno.) Part of the shift as been recognizing I am sensing it through my self and not just an outer manifestation of the senses, (thank you shakti experiences.) A small section of the outer alter just got moved indoors--wow!
As I fall down and stand up on this path of understanding, the hole in my heart feels like a giant thorn stuck in it when my ego is acting up and a place of great expansiveness when it isn't. Maybe the thorn is a great reminder for keeping me on track with the single-pointed focus and never letting up? With a fragment of the alter moving indoors, the bar for right action, service, and more has even struck a deeper cord. No escaping the self--twenty-four seven with or without the mind remembering and reflecting. The blessings of disturbances for leading me to a solution for abiding in the tranquility. Pranam to the inner alter. Every step continues to be astounding with the form/formless, inquiry/devotion, and outer/inner experiences.