It doesn't appear to be enough to become familiar with who I am, but at the crossroad of embracing and living as who I am. Yes, in theory it is already who I am, but theory has been a guide, the embodiment of the path while as a form has been the work. At this point of needing to cut away the ego, it feels like every step of my life to this point has been a dress rehearsal for this step. Learning to work with the judgment, despair, outer guidance and more has been a teaching in itself, until the futility in that practice doesn't serve any longer. The years of self examination, trying to rearrange the furniture, new jobs, new haircuts, new outfits, new partners, new... until the futility of this outer attempt does not serve any longer. The path and a spiritual master appear and the work becomes the inner fire walk to who am I?
But, can I be who I truly am--in the walk, in the life practice, and in sitting in judgment from all of humanity and myself? Big step or maybe the dress rehearsal of every step of my life has all led to it being a small next step? There is no other layer, the layers have been the warm-up, now it is getting serious.
Can I truly love and accept myself at the level of Absolute Love and Truth that is the fabric of what Is? Not just experience them, but be them. Fear of the unknown was dumped over the edge of the life raft, but I now sense that is was at the personality/egoic level, so this new state of fear that is at the root of my existence. Yesterday was an awareness of the difference. Today is walking with that truth. Am I up for the challenge? Only Divinity knows, but I will start again, but not as a veil--it will be as a root. No doubt, I am in the right container with the right guide for this step. The bigger stick is to stay focused and the compassion is for my heart and true nature. My ego has been with me longer than any other state of presence while in the form, so now to have it truncated is getting serious. Visualizing Durga on this next part of the path.