Saturday, September 24, 2011

There Are No Answers

When I started looking at the will department of my existence a couple of weeks ago, a lot of energy started to shift around my throat and head.  I have been feeling like a light cape or mantle had been draped over my shoulders.

For the past few days, I have been sitting with the experience of the new energy field from the wandering sadhu experience.  It feels both empty and expansive at the same time.  A refinement of energy that I haven't consciously known before.  As I was meditating, I felt the cloak lift and my entire "body" (inside and outside) felt uniform and clear--a sense of freedom IN the body.  While in the experience of dancing and riding, at times I felt free WITH the body which led to a sense of euphoria.  The runner's high, the dancer's high, the rider's high, or the multitude of ways this could and does manifest.

The bliss state has intensified with this perceived lightening of the internal load, but it isn't the seductive part of the shift--just an outcome.  The seduction is in the stillness and equanimity of life happening around me on a daily basis. When I fall out of it with undesirable actions, it is graphic--lint screen 101.

As I entered Pahari Baba's room, there was a picture of a young Pahari Baba that I hadn't noticed before--it looked just like the sadhu I saw at the Amber Fort.  I was a bit surprised, but I am getting less surprised by these coincidences. Gratitude and more gratitude for the remarkable teachings.

"There are no answers."  popped into my consciousness today.  "Only the state of being in the acceptance of what is."  Stirring, questioning, searching and now to discover that there may not be an answer (period!) for what I am looking for.  It was established that is wasn't on the planet and now I am looking at it not existing at all?  There was a moment of grief like some death had happened.  This lifetime has been focused on finding this inner peace and answer to life on the planet. Gurudev said that I had a possibility to find it by going deep into the place without words and mind. Cosmic humor:  I was attached to having a clear answer.  "Only the state of being in the acceptance of what is."  How many times do I need to circle around this concept before settling down? Flexibility in the ongoing process--no concrete design.

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