I have offered to commit suicide and the spiritual path showed up. I was broken in a car accident and an energetic healing placed me back on the path. I offered to be crushed by something fast moving and proficient in destroying me and Gurudev takes the bowl of vegetables from the floor and places more on my plate. At every turn that I offer to end my own suffering--something happens that says "Get-up--keep walking." Small moments of surrender (my journey is easy compared to many), but fascinating how the force beyond me is present to support and encourage.
The video of the horse we so carefully pieced back together with a team of people (5 years of mind, body, and soul work) has made it to the level I had hoped to have achieved myself. The horse was part of the renunciation three years ago and the financing of this journey. Is this the work--nurture and repair the wounded and send it back out to the insanity plan? Is that what Source is doing for me? Nurture, repair, pat me on the head (instead of on the nose), and say "Get-up--keep walking."
M. talks about the view through the hole in the wall that Ramakrishna provided for the disciples of his time. The view of the other side of the wall and what is possible as a spiritual truth. I look at Gurudev every day with this hope and desire to realize more. Pranam.