|A different view|
At some point, all I can say is that the rock and the hard place are getting way sharper. There is no turning back, there is despair of losing attunement to Source (the path is a zip-line and not just a shoe lace in an escalator), knowing that I don't just get to stay in the umbrella of the ashram but that I need to become the ashram internally, knowing that becoming fully immersed in Source may not happen in this lifetime, and how to keep living with the separation. This is a brutal new awareness. Before I was in despair of "Is this it in life", now the despair isn't life but the separation from Source. Quite a game changer and interesting how all of this percolates in a walk and just being with the truth of my heart--not my head yelling any longer--just my heart jumping up and down in longing. I think last week was just the start of some game changing part of the path for me.