Scratchiness generally means that I am headed towards some fire that I need to jump into for debriding another layer of the self. Instead of circuit training for the body, I am noticing a circuit training for the spirit: 1) in incident creates an emotional upset (in this case, it was seeing the public demise of a brilliant horse all for the sake of power and greed), 2) while I am disoriented or off center a sense of scratchiness is created, 3) inquiry/contemplation/meditation are the practices that help me look at the scratchiness, 4) a new part of the tool kit shows up (Divine Genealogy) and in this case, heading down the fracturing of the self process with my ever growing heart capacity appeared to be the direction, 5) within 12-24 hours the root of the story/disconnect/unnecessary belief system/"answer" shows up, and 6) a sense of inner peace returns.
Even though I am in the hands off the steering wheel mode, I hadn't gone through a fracturing process while not in India. I was a bit nervous, since I am never quite sure of what is going to happen while going through what I call a "spiritual death." The opportunity to jump feet first into the fire is actually grace assisting you in the "Let Go" process. The discomfort leads me to the cliff edge, the surrender and willingness to open myself to the unknown allows an opening for transformation (if I knew why and what before the fracturing then I wouldn't have really gone through true surrender), and then the point of separation becomes clear after the "energetic work." How else could a spiritual shift feel than some type of rebirth of the true self?
Ironically, I had to go through stepping out of my comfort zone to move to India and now to see that I need to step out of my comfort zone of living as the old Sue while reentering the US. On a deep level, I kept wondering how the "old" Sue and the "new" Sue were going to work out their differences. While examining life in the US with the aid of my executive, business suit gurus (and they happen to understand spirituality at a high level too), we came to the "there are no answers" marker in the road. This is sounding very familiar. "There are no answers on the Earth." from the teachings of a spiritual Guru.
Yes, I can feel another shift has happened--another veil removed.
Taming of Totilas Vol. 2 showed up in my email today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5_V8nvCmig And there will be part 3. How lovely that two human beings with credentials in the sport of dressage are speaking out in a clear, classroom-oriented, open approach to the truth of classical vs. modern training techniques. It is the first time that I have felt true light show up in the darkness of what has continued to grow and spread. Animals don't ever have a voice and a choice while under the control of humans. Many cultures don't feel animals are worthy of respect and consciousness, but even the cultures that understand that this is not an ethical, humane way to act as a conscious human being continue to display plenty of disconnected actions.
I spent a long time (too long) disconnected from the ethical, humane practice and maybe this will be useful for having less judgement and more compassion for others who had fallen off the morally correct path. I don't know what the latest transformation will look like, but I know that it is helping me with this big piece of lint on my lint screen and no, the Guru will not be able to wash this stain completely away.