Tuesday, May 17, 2011
The newest layer unfolding
There were times in the ashram that I felt like I was a formless presence inside a structure with two eye holes, like a kid dressing up as a goblin for Halloween. I was aware of my surrounding and these layers to my "self." It was very peaceful. I could be sitting in the middle of the evening rush of people visiting Gurudev and experience very deep stillness. My life appears to be taking on that quality. I am in the middle of an unusually emotional/financially charged sale of a horse and I feel like I am experiencing it looking through the two peepholes of a goblinesque sheet. One difference is that I am not physically or mentally separating myself from the stress, I am in the stream surrounded by all of the chaos and it is still peaceful. The second surprising part is that I am experiencing it all as shakti as if the action of stress is as beautiful as if I was experiencing the shakti from a human's normal perspective of beauty--a flower, a positive emotion, a fragrance, a taste...
When I asked Gurudev permission to return to India and continue my spiritual growth in his presence, I shared that my "goal" was to anchor into love and peace at a level that I could be anywhere, with anyone, and in any situation and stay rooted in that vibration. He said that was possible. Maybe this is a small sampling of that capacity? If it is, it is awesome!!! Nothing like feeling stoned on shakti when all hell is breaking loose. Going through all of the pain of living and waking up would be so worth it--(laughter) the ego has to hold onto something.