Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Lesson opportunities from the western world

The trip back to California is turning out to be yet another opportunity to observe and find the humor of my ego. I don't need to have children begging, men staring, or animals sleeping in discarded refuse to highlight my ego's ability to run the show. Training horses is easy compared to working with the ego. I just keep smiling at how inventive "she" is to stay as a main actor in my personality production.

Sitting in stillness in India gave me enough undistracted space and time to get to know a part of me that feels separate from the ego--somehow a "true" self. I always refer to my real work as training my ego to sit quietly with hands folded in her lap--observing, hanging out, but not running the show. I have been reading about this concept for years, but the trip back to the US has highlighted that new found place. Being back in my "familiar" role, but with a new interior perspective (that isn't stabilized), is helping me to understand this longing to become anchored in my heart. I continually experience myself acting or thinking in the old way, while the new part just quietly waits in bliss. When my ego quits jumping up and down, having opinions, and acting without consciousness (or takes a time out on the coach), the heartfelt beauty of stillness and unity is ever present. For now, it feels like a lantern of shakti radiating from within. My body takes on an almost transparent outline that is immersed in limitlessness. The remarkable feeling acts as a marker to show me that I am near or in the zone, (probably some ego requirement...) I cannot say the feeling is the goal, but it is a lovely outcome.

Today, I began to know my "true" self while in the western world container. Another breakthrough.

In my efforts to get things crossed off the list in order to return to India, I am falling into ego driven ways. I suspect that isn't going to line up the grace of the universe. Deep breath, more softening and opening into what is.

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