Sunday, June 3, 2012

Sitting On The Pain That Started The Intense Part of The Journey

I haven't ridden my horse for almost a year, so in fairness to the process, I thought I should examine that piece before shipping him off to Kentucky.  There wasn't fear or anxiety, but there was a numbness around the concept.  At this point in my life, the pain around training horses et al. has been the deepest wound--to the bone so to speak.  In the process of renouncing most attachments, the horses were offered to the surrender pile as well.  But what I am learning is that surrender from a wounded place does not appear to count in the same was as from an accepted/examined vantage point.  Riding my horse was going to be a necessary step if I was to step away in a more holistic manner.  At least that was what was appearing on the internal lint screen.

3 rides: Day 1) I remembered how and so did my horse, Day 2) I revisited the true joy of riding as if I was 10 years old riding around the field with the joy of the partnership and no other rules, and Day 3) I experienced the exquisite sense of timing and feel when two beings have worked together refining communication for 7 years.  Magic!  It was a flash of a life's work.  Honestly, I cannot say that I have the same desire for riding that I once did.  Before, it was my lifeline to living on the planet.  The journey from South Africa to India has slipped a connection to the Divine into the number one slot.  In three days, I felt the wound from riding beginning to repair and close.  Still no idea of what lies ahead, but I do realize that being on a horse feels more natural than being on the ground.

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