Animal Kingdom

As an animal person, one of the lovely parts of India is feeling like you live in the animal kingdom night and day. You don't have to go to the zoo to see exotic animals. You just go out on the street and open your eyes. Someone asked if I missed riding the horses--not really, surprisingly. I have been in a long conflict (years) around the consciousness of training animals. I have never been satisfied with the training techniques, (as witnessed in my earliest blogging), I impose on animals for the sake of human pleasure. People tend to include me in the humane animal training group, but I have always searched for clearer communication and less confrontation. Would I miss being around animals--terribly, but I enjoy interacting with them more than training them at this point. I so enjoy saying good morning to the camels and the cows during my walk.

Even though the animals in India are often overburdened, lame, poor nutrition, wounds etc., it is somehow different not to be responsible for them. My time at Sterling Farms, San Diego has allowed me one of the most ideal attempts for animal management in my career to date. I have been able to find quite a big dose of peace around how the animals live--their quality of life.

My step back into a horse world (South Africa) that inflicted pain, overlooked lameness, etc. stirred up an incredible amount of pain. I don't seem to be able to overlook the abuse when my hands are directly connected to the problem. It isn't comfortable to observe it either, but somehow getting some of the blood on my own hands is more unsettling. This is what stirred me to start all of this" journey of the heart." Could I become cold hearted enough to shut down and not care? It didn't work for me, it almost killed me on several occasions. Could I increase my heart capacity enough or have techniques that afforded me peace in the presence or action of something inhumane? Is it a greater capacity for humility and love?

While my ego was making one last (or maybe it will spark up again?) big effort to discourage me from moving to India for the pathway of spiritual deepening, I realized the futility of the ego's arguments. It doesn't mind falling into the same mud hole or stepping on the same land mind. In sort of a sick way, it appears to thrive on it. (Ekhart Tolle talks about the pain body and its need to feed in "The Power of Now.") I don't know if I will return to training horses, but there is no going back to not taking this next step, (or whatever step appears next to know more.)

As I have 14 hours layover in the Doha airport, more than enough time to reflect, I can already sense that I am more a part of the web of human life than just a bug stuck on the web. I am very curious to experience "my" world after these life changing 3 months.

Details of life

A few updates: the puppy got a cast a few weeks back (and now she is running on it), the cow with the broken leg was picked up by a humane treatment for animals group, and the camel's nose is getting better.

The bathroom at the new place is coming along. He actually tiled it! We are working out the details around the shower spraying directly on the power switches which might lead to electrocution, (that would be some serious shakti downloading!)

I went to a power yoga class for women with the wife of the hotel owner. It was really fun to meet and hang out with a group of women in another culture. The instructor was helpful and patient (thank goodness for the one lesson from Karn.) They all seemed to be surprised that I could hang in there with no fan and on a very hot day. Sometimes I take for granted the years of physical training, but I appreciate it more and more as it allows me the chance to explore cities and countrysides by foot, jump into varied physical activities, and a freedom of its own. There is a lot of motivation to keep up with the fitness and nutrition as long as I am able.

Bonus! Yoga lesson from Gurudev

The sitting situation is getting better, but I am thinking this is a several year project. I have increased my cross-legged sitting time from 15 minutes to 45, my overall sitting time to 3 hours if I change position every 30 minutes or so, and my overall sitting time in two session to 6 hours. I have been trying to focus on not losing my core connection even if I need to change my leg position, because that seems to keep me centered over my seat bones the best. For awhile, it was a trade off between my back getting tired and needing to lean on something, to not sitting over my pelvis in a way that was creating sore seat bones (at least that is what I call them from riding.) There is a point after three hours, that my knees just say no, so I take a break and go for a walk. When I come back in the afternoon, my knees are usually saying no cross-legged stuff, but my core is strong enough to keep with the back posture. It is starting to get more comfortable to not lean on something unless I want to abandon the body all together and just melt into the energy part. Remarkable fitness and flexibility training. If everyone just worked on their posture all day, it would be an amazing fitness challenge.

While I was sitting, I noticed Gurudev was sitting with his legs folded in a way that I hadn't noticed before, so I thought I would try it. One side was sort of working, but the other side wasn't so well. I guess he noticed, so he gave me some help on my yoga practice. Bonus!!! He did say it was much easier if you started this stuff from youth, but the most important was the straight spine. I asked him to check my straightness to see if I was in the ball park and he said that was fine and that he had noticed that I tend to keep that part together, (thank you for years of riding, ballroom dancing, and fitness training.) All of this is so amazing, now I have my homework assignments: inner energy field and spine straightness.

Do energy fields have different textures and qualities?

Chewing on the new found inner wattage. Somehow it feels like what I have been looking for on the outside is now on my inside. (Of course, it has probably always been there, but I had to move from a mud hut to a lint screen to notice.) I had a chance to meditate for an hour while Gurudev was out supervising the new temple building at the Wishing Tree (I might have that name wrong?) and explore how to find that place again. I started with visualizing Gurudev and Pahari Baba inside of my heart and little by little, the images turned into an energy hole that continued to enlarge. Sort of like starting with the one bedroom apartment and moving onto a multilevel apartment building. Of course when Gurudev came into the area, it automatically increased to multiple, multilevel apartment buildings. I am curious where this leads too, but I appreciate finding it again.

I took a last trip up to Amber Fort to sit in the Kali Temple. While I was meditating, I was able to find that place inside again. It started out a bit wobbly like a bad internet connection. Curious thing happened (not that all of this is not curious...), it started out in the Gurudev/Pahari Baba energy feel and once it got going, it was like a new feel of energy started to flood in and fill the space. Maybe it was the Kali Temple energy field? It had a softer, more feminine feel to it. Unfortunately, I am leaving tomorrow, so no more opportunities to go energy field sampling at the different temples.

The nature of the symbolism

It is so lovely how I get mini teachings from the disciples of Gurudev. One of the women graciously explained about the evolution of the different spiritual beings (Durga, Shiva, etc.) in the practice of Hinduism. What they represent, how to incorporate and be inspired by their symbolism. It isn't as much the form of the divine being, but what is behind the form. For me this all helps, since I have never been "religious." The authenticity of animals and nature have been more of my inspired core of beliefs. Anything with skin/bones/two legs tends to be cause for suspicion, so this is another reason that I am so struck by Gurudev's purity. I keep hearing how each guru has their personal "style" and Gurudev's is love, peace, and compassion. While living in India, I would be interested to experience other gurus not unlike experiencing the different wild animals in South Africa--all animals, just different spots, ways of moving, etc.

Sometimes people who speak English as a second language use words in a more direct and literal way than native speakers whose familiarity with the words can lead to generalities and vagueness. I often find it refreshing and it brings new life to the truth of the spoken word. The idea of unconditional surrender was brought up and it struck me, because my brain wanted to go automatically to unconditional love. Cousins by nature, but what could be learned by the word choice of unconditional surrender? A lot! Probably the next door to open or potion to drink, (Alice...)

A small group of people at the ashram have been curious to read my blog and see how I am experiencing all of this as a westerner, so there is an interest for me to keep blogging and see what happens in my California life as a result of the teachings. How cool is that! Oh, I just noticed that people have made comments on the blog entries--on the blog, so thank you (not to leave out mentioning all of the amazing emails too!!!)

This evening, I spent a few minutes reflecting on "one day left" feelings. Was I sad, happy, anxious, relieved? Probably fragments of all, but the best part is feeling like I am taking home some new sense of inner being and peace that can be connected to no matter where I am in the world. It isn't really a goodbye in the way we typically feel leaving friends and family, but only a relocation of a new inner light. Maybe it is like the Olympic torch that is carried from one Olympic site to the next without ever being extinguished? Of course, I will miss the direct feed, mega-wattage created through Gurudev, the holy company who attend the ashram, and the spiritual lineage, but he mentioned the word "nature." Instead of going to the ashram, I can go to the beach and take in the peaceful expansiveness of the ocean or sit under one of the amazing trees in the area or...

Integrating the West and the East

Morning spent running around looking at horse art work and inquiring about making jewelry from our Phoenix EQ logo. A fun part of the Indian experience/education too. Oh my gosh, the artist showing me his paintings proceeded to paint "Lena and Susan visited India" on a single grain of rice to demonstrate his abilities. Crazy!!

I arrived at the ashram later than usual and in more of a business mode. Curious to see what would happen, since this is more of the reality when I get home. When I sit alone in the area where Gurudev hangs out, I am probably cooking around 125 degrees, the minute he shows up--easily add five, six, seven hundred degrees or more. Ok, then I spent an hour of the three hours meditating in tears, because of the amazing sense of love and peace that radiates through his presence. Today, I felt like I touched into some new level or realization of what could be the future. Interesting to go from western business mindset to this in an hour and I am still in the same body. Obviously, I am limiting this as a regular state of being. Slow learner... What would it be like to have this amount of love and humility as a way of being in the world? It felt limitless, formless, no edges. Just some sort of formless being in a space bigger than an ocean--maybe a universe in size. I was aware of my body, but it somehow didn't restrict this sense of limitlessness. All of this in a lesson without a single word. He only commented about how many different sweets that I have experienced in India, while I was looking at the bowl of prashad, that graciously showed up. And yes, there was a sweet that I had not seen or tried, date wrapped around some sort of pistachio filling.

I had a little giggle that we are like mobile bags of plasma with assorted things floating in the plasma. Poor Gurudev sees all of these bags approaching, he sees what is in them, but we don't have a clue. He helps us put our bags through dialysis. He never runs off, refuses anyone's presence, always makes time to answer questions, be thoughtfully attends to all of our needs like we are his children (you experience more unconditional love then any human has offered, family or not), and lives in the world at large. Super Human!!!

Drive home

I was offered a ride home from the ashram last night, (people are very kind to drop me off at night, even though I enjoy the quiet and coolness of the night), so as I was piling into the car in an altered state of reality, I was marveling at the driver's ability to navigate a car. I don't think that I would be safe to drive in that state, sort of like taking an overdose of antihistamines is the closest I could compare it to. They started to ask me what I was experiencing, so I was trying to find words--it made it sound so crazy (fortunately, they were both much farther down the spiritual path, so it probably didn't crazy to them.) Then they asked if I felt anything from the 9 days of the Durga Celebration. I explained that after 5 days of attending, I took one morning to intentionally miss the ceremony, so I could compare if I was feeling anything different. Yes, significant different loading dose of shakti for the day. Then they wanted to know if I had experienced any extreme bliss states. Hard to say if leaving your body or feeling like you are going to die from a shakti overdose counts? Interesting questions to field when it is all so new.