No Matter How Crazy..

Can I just keep the mantra going "Divine Soup, Divine Soup" no matter how crazy it gets?Ramakrishna teachings and Gurudev's feet are the Palm Trees in the hurricane right now.  While digesting the Soup, I got a glimmer of some new state of inner peace.  It feels like new growth in the Ancient Forest--so fragile, but sensed and observed.  My goodness there is a long road ahead, but so much gratitude for what distance that has been traveled.

Next test, keep an eye on the spot of light, try to go straight, keep the faith, head up, and know there is something beyond, have no expectations, no attachments, and dive.  

Soup Served

Ashram flower

We all have turning points in our lives.  Yesterday's offering of everything was a turning point.  A willingness to go to "zero" for the path to the Divine.  It was an internal offering.  No words and only an internal dialogue for whomever or whatever needed to hear it.  In 12 hours there was a start of a response.

In the course of having my astrology examined, I didn't have any questions, since the experience was new and I didn't know what kind of questions that I could ask.  Yesterday, I had wiped the slate clean regarding knowing the future,  I am living in the present, and I already know the past, so Gurudev created a list of questions for me.  Based on our time together, he created a list asking my future involvement with spirituality, how I will be in service, and what direction my life might be headed.  He summed up all my beliefs, my process (blogging included), my intentions, and willingness to be an instrument.

To hear the manifesto of who one is from the mouth of a Divine Being is stunning.   I have always felt like an alien, so to experience being known, heard, understood, and accepted to the deepest part of what I could experience--another turning point.

It felt like I was being handed a bowl of Divine Soup.  There was no taste, smell, or texture, but it was of the most exquisite nature.

Soup Time

It is as if Gurudev and Ramakrishna are stirring a Divine Soup and I want part of it.  There isn't anything that I won't do to get a bowl of that Soup.  The last offering of untethering from the material world has set something in motion.  Which came first, the untethering and then the longing for Soup or the other way around?  Doesn't matter, just a path and a human interpretation of the Divine's Play.

The need to be a part of the human herd has really been a block.  The next step in renunciation has created a question, "Can I have Soup without attaching myself to humans?"  I have offered to be in service to them, but they are still so quirky, (me included.)  And I have even offered to give up my attachment to animals and nature at a new level if I can have Soup.

As I looked at my cup of tea, bowl of fruit, Gurudev, and a white person, I saw the utter futility.  There is nothing to ease the longing from inside except the Soup--to taste and know the Divine Soup at the deepest level.  Pure surrender is all I have to offer.

While reading the Ramakrishna book, it has a section that said one doesn't need to spend a lifetime at the Guru's feet to find immersion in the Divine and that sometimes the ones who don't live at the Guru's feet find the straightest path.  This information created an opening for the desire to flood through. I am the new kid on the block, but now that doesn't have to be a limit.  Maybe everyone starts with this intense, gnawing desire, but something shifts and takes them away from getting a bowl of Soup.  With limited reasoning abilities, I don't see anything else to do but to "Go for It!"  

Sigh, too massive obstacles (beliefs) cleared out of the way.

Street Ways:  Mending fences:  1) bought coconut water from one of the boys who was very rude and I had ignored for 3 weeks--he was very kind and cheerful, 2) one of the men (with a big stomach) who I pass on the way to the gym asked for fitness tips for slimming his midsection, and 3) a woman who wants to join the gym stared at me for 20 minutes, but that was almost unnoticeable compared to the men. 

Good Side of Power

Park bench living 101.  Taking notes because this is on the list of future possibilities. Noticing blanket color is good camouflage and being thin.

A definite oh-my-gosh moment.   Gurudev talked about power as what motivated some people to seek the Divine.  I had never considered that aspect, I thought it was purely for love.  So the people seeking power can end up down a darker side of the path and use their spiritual power in dark ways, (that can apply to students or teachers.)  But, power can come in a benevolent form which is also potentially an outgrowth of the spiritual process.   He shared a short story involving "power" and traffic on the street.  When cows and dogs move down the street, no one really notices, but if a tiger walks down the street, people will notice.  The tiger doesn't have to be bad, but he or she stands out.

A No Walk Day

(Three days trying to photograph this amazing dark purple flower--tricky.)

By chance I had a no walk day, because the gym is closed on Sunday and I didn't need to go to the store.  Wow, a day of clean living so to speak--just me and the ashram homework.  No need to pour between two buckets.  Maybe I just need a break from the outer world which appears to elicit bring it on, bring it out, bring it...  A day to retreat, stay in bed, and pull the covers over one's head so to speak and minimize the engagement of the ego.  If I think of having two ladders (one inner and one outer), my inner ladder has been ascending with the grace of Gurudev, but my outer ladder has been heading to the center of the Earth.

People go on intensive personal retreats for a week or two, but this has been four months of in the fire.  It suits my nature, but having a pause in the crossfire has given me a moment to take a big breath.

At the beginning of the week, I made a personal decision to dive deeper into the "letting go" by letting go of most of my material possession in the US except for one car, clothes, and a few personal possessions that are sentimental.  A basic living kit will be left.  The horse, the horse training items, and more are all on the chopping block.  The renunciation at a new level feels very clear, clean, and in line with what has been unfolding internally.   Not quite the single wrap with a begging bowl, but maybe a white, woman's luxury version of that?  I have taken this task of material reduction each cycle home between India, but this will involve the last layer.  When I went off to college, everything fit in the back of my VW hatchback.  What happened?

A New Ultimate Vision

As a child going to the lakes in the mountains of Idaho, it meant hiking and swimming.  As an adult going to a lake in the mountains, it might include swimming and hiking, but it also can equate to serene contemplation, if is one is so inclined.  I see the mountains as the outer world and the work/climb of the daily process and the lake as the point to dive into self reflection/meditation for peace and inner tranquility.

Gurudev said we are all climbing up the side of a house to a place of peace, but our paths are varied.

A new ultimate vision has come into focus; Gurudev sitting at the base of a mountain on the lake's edge.  Nature has always provided a lovely internal resonance, but the thought of the guru vibration added into the mix equals pure internal and external divinity for me.  Jai Guru! 

Diving Into The Ramakrishna Teachings

Ashram flower

Ashram Life:

So enjoying the Ramakrishna teachings and stories about his life.  One of my favorite books has been The Great Swan, so it is wonderful to find all of these other books to add to the collection.  He seems to do a wonderful job of narrowing all points of separation, explaining the whys behind the path, and how the teachings need to be applied individually.  There appears to be two basic paths:  knowledge and devotion. I was curious if one person could have a mixture or if it was more useful to stick with one.  Gurudev said the point of the two paths is so a person can follow the one that allows for the straightest path;  like rowing a boat down the river with the oars working in synchrony.  All lead to the same point, so when one gets to the end, the path is not so important., but the directness can be influenced.

The books cover so many of my questions that I have asked,  questions that I haven't asked, and with such lovely depth--like Gurudev.

Street Life:

Uncovered a massive nettle patch regarding being a white, woman walking.  There is a lot of hostility about being white which equates to British domination.  Two big black marks are on the list.  I had a little incident at the gym where I kicked one of the men in the private parts, because he wasn't listening to loud sounds or vulgar language.  The good news is now I get to lock the door from the inside while working out and I had peace for two days.  Gurudev mentioned that all women live in a box of some sort, but the one in India is smaller.  I can appreciate how here it is about negotiating one's survival, so it is less miserable being a woman.  There would probably never be an option for an Indian woman to kick a man in that particular way and hope to survive.  The two men did go scampering down the stairs.  (A 14 year old was recently beheaded for turning down a marriage proposal in Afghanistan.)