An electronic diary sharing my spiritual path through observations/experiences, photos, videos, articles and more. It started with intensity at the end of January 2011 when I decided to go to South Africa and see the truth of animals living in the wild. Unsatisfied with the answers, I went to India looking for the truth of humans in an ancient civilization. Packing up my life as a dressage trainer in Southern California, I moved to Jaipur, India to follow a spiritual inquiry.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Birth and Rebirth
On the enneagram, I am a five which is a fear based number. I don't really consider myself fearful, but every now and then shear terror arises. The trigger? Dismantling more of the separation between spiritual life and just living life. The "ashram bucket" and the "street bucket" are merging at yet another level. The self is being out voted and responded with almost paralyzing terror. The young child needed to make yet another desperate grab for doubting worthiness, sensing failure, and feeling inadequate. It was more than a fleeting moment to examine these deeply rooted threads from childhood that have propelled my warrior side to push through. The vulnerability in letting go of yet another veil stirred the self examination.
The markers of Divine presence and guidance happen almost daily. Why the intense terror? Is it the ego searching for any toe hold as I "Let Go."