Stepping into the abyss of potentially having biological parents has stirred some aspects of my belief systems at a VERY DEEP level. While sitting in the womb preparing for birthing, I appear to recall uncertainty and fear. While stepping into the human "skin" suit, I appear to recall horror and limitations. While living in the presence of my adoptive family, I appear to have lived in care and conditional love. The ongoing outward and inward rejection has set a survival style of over-achieving, skepticism, and defensiveness. As I step back from the initial contact, I see that I have opened the gateway to rejection once again. It is interesting to observe the layers as a "conscious" adult. When I used the words birth parent to the Birth Parents, the child appeared and felt the uncertainty of love. Another exercise; there is no real attachment now that I have the alternative as an internal anchor point--the Divine. Everything pales in comparison. Tears of gratitude instead of tears of anguish. Thank you! Yet another lap around the spiral staircase...
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