The past ten months have been an integration of living in the west with part of the normal western world scaffolding dismantled. I have been examining this straddling of the two realms of spirituality/materiality, but from the more spiritual view point. The longing to go deeper has been like an erie siren from the depth of my heart, but with the voice saying, "Not yet." Gurudev said to learn to listen to the voice, but I did have a point of indulgence in the depths. It was beyond emotion, but tears were streaming; I returned, but with some sort of shift that has allowed me to grasp the next homework assignment--navigating from the dismantled side in and amongst daily life. I have been living from the context of the next homework assignment, but it was lovely to get a confirmation from a wonderful book that I am reading. It is such a foreign perspective to operate from, I was unsure. It has been gradual but steady over the past almost four years. The lovely part is that it appears to always have an opening to Source which is grace, since daily life continuously streams opportunities for inner disturbances. Patience and presence will continue to support this new awareness.
A new walk begins... There is a continuity in the awareness of the soul's evolution to consciousness both inwardly and outwardly. The two states of being become one, not unlike the ladders of knowledge and devotion merging into Oneness. Yet another path that leads to Oneness. Separation of self and Self is even diminishing. Grace.
Sitting on a new horse has brought a clarity around the horse as a vessel of simple, pure vibration. I better understand what an important part of the weave horses have provided in supporting my state of being before what has unfolded in the presence of Gurudev and Pahari Baba.
The new state is quite simple and childlike from an inner perspective. Many of the adult concerns are diminishing, but I can still take action from a point of discernment, responsibility, and clarity. I have questioned this, since everything feels somehow inside out. Part of the adjustment moving from East to West. The two bucket system on a personal level. The evolution of the soul is making more and more sense. As I look at the children's book that Gurudev favors, I better understand why it is a favorite.