Uncertainty

" If uncertainty is unacceptable to you, it turns into fear. If it is perfectly acceptable, it turns into increased aliveness, alertness, and creativity."

I have looked at this quote daily for over a year now. I am not sure who said this. If anyone knows, please pass on the information. From the enneagram point of view, I appear to be a 5 which is part of the fear based section. I often feel that fear has been one of the last and largest stones that I carry around unnecessarily. Currently examining the line between healthy skepticism and fear. Can I find a substitute for fear--something lighter and more flexible? The concept of faith is showing up, but what is that? In the English language we often use the two words together: blind faith. Is there a seeing faith? Or a knowing faith? Doesn't faith live in the unknown category: "acceptance of uncertainty."

The return to India is a start for living in this uncertainty. I will know where I am living and the physical aspects of where I will go to meditate (training wheels for the uncertainty?), but beyond that, all of it is an unknown. No idea how long that I will stay, where it all leads, where I go afterwards, or what I will do, but I am starting to find this exhilarating. What a remarkable opportunity to be free of knowing. As I examine my daily life, it is with a smile that I think I don't live in the unknown now. I start each day with a plan and then see how long I stay on track with the plan. Sometimes it is minutes. Other times it might be hours or.... As westerners, we are trained to always get "our ducks" in a row--life is about creating order out of chaos. It is often what drives us and leads to our remarkable intensity and work ethic in this culture. Not all bad, but it can be crazy making to try and create the allusive "perfect lifestyle."

No answers, just showing up.

( I added a few pictures to the satsang in Temecula post if anyone wants to see the view from the top of the hill--some similarities to the temple views, but some differences too...)