The Park Bench

Another window

The caterpillar changing and trying to figure out how to get out of the "oh so familiar skin" feeling is starting to appear.  The struggle is only against myself.  The environment is pristine at the moment.  People have been so kind and SO generous.  The internal connection to the Divine is ever present, so what is this veil? It feels like some aspect of the story, but what is after the story?  More trips to the surrender pile.  Do I throw myself on the pile as well?  Have I become attached to the story of transformation?  I felt that point of offering to spiritually die yet again.  The response was a stillness instead of a splintering.  Patience?  Being?  The park bench?

Another Veil--Breaking Free Of My Story

How many more veils?

Digestion, wrestling with the "new" me in my old stomping grounds, walking in the depth of new awareness, breaking the ties to who I thought I was, picking up the threads pulling me forward into the new truth, trusting, faith, following the bread crumb trail that lead me out of the forest into the light of myself as a spark of the Divine...

Breaking free of my story is the dipping into the vat of boiling oil to debride the story from the truth.  Absolute Love and Truth are the facts.  The rest is the story. 

Pain and Bravery

We all have pain and we all have a story.  Some appear to bare more than others...  Believing this soul will find a less obscured connection to the Absolute Love of the Divine.  Blessings and gratitude for your strength to shine the light of awareness on all of our paths to consciousness.

Prominent Pakistani acid victim commits suicide - Yahoo! News http://news.yahoo.com/prominent-pakistani-acid-victim-commits-suicide-063149605.html Pakistani acid attack victim Fakhra Younus had endured more than three dozen surgeries over more than a decade to repair her severely damaged face and body when she finally decided life was no longer worth living.

Square Peg Dissolves

While sitting in silence, the corridor widens, the doors retreat, inner peace expands, and the square peg (me) fits into the round hole.  The drive to do disappears, the egos grasp on action diminishes, and the familiarity of the truth of the self is front and center.  The journey to know the inner self has been arduous but remarkable.  The path now to the outer purpose is awkward.  Everything is a reflection of the inner and outer experience.

More Perspective

Spent a day wearing my horse sales cap and looking for places to move my horse closer.  It felt like I was in some odd corridor that I remembered from the past, but I was viewing it all from a new perspective.  Numerous opportunities to understand the new perspective.  Interesting to proceed on the old path without attachment.  It as if I am going to the ashram to sit in whatever arises.  Watching myself from somewhere outside as my human shopping cart moves through the motions.  Continuing to cast the line out giving the universe an opportunity to take hold when and with what the next step of the design is.  Starting with the "familiar" that is now unfamiliar.

A Very Rough Draft.

Rain but no monsoon

The two to three hours at the gym is like my walking/digesting period only it is relatively quiet and empty when I go at night.

The reblogging is finished, so I printed the material out in "book form."  Surprising how many errors you miss on a screen no matter how many times you look at it.  It was like looking at a color copy of a diary.  I learned a lot in the process and I was able to sit with some teachings that I hadn't completely digested.  My initial thought was to go through the process privately, but I find that the biggest part of the "new me" is transparency.  No matter what angle I examine my life path, being open and accepting to every aspect of living appears to be the only way not to collect lint.

While I was in India, I experienced the concern of the disciples for the privacy of Gurudev and the ashram, so I place this writing assignment in the awareness of the public.  I am sending a rough draft to Gurudev.  The action is not to receive his blessings, but to stay in line with transparency and respect.  It is an organized bundle of my experience and nothing more.  I continue to live in awe and humility of what I learned.

The next step would be to find an editor, so the language and concepts become more coherent. (Within 6 hours of printing the very rough draft, one appears to have shown up?)  There is already a graphics expert willing to jump in and make it look beautiful--if the project gets that far.

As I sat with the copy in my hand,  there was nothing on my agenda list--only gratitude and a very deep sense of inner peace.  The rest is in the hands of destiny.

Puddle

To best describe my new "status," I would say a puddle.  It is as if I have been shown this world of the formless, I know that I still live in a form, but who am I really?  I know who I am not (or at least getting a glimpse of that with the ego separated), but who am I really.  Yes, a spark of the Divine, but how is that to manifest.  A current piece of the work is to show up in a "familiar" environment and learn about my perceived self in this environment, but start to wonder who I could be without the past history.  Do I  continue with the role I was playing and be at peace that I now understand.  Or does this open the door to outwardly manifesting something more in line with my true nature?

While continuing to read, watch videos, speak to others on the path in English, I keep revisiting the profound gratitude for this new awareness.  As I hear "people in the know" speak about their connection to the Divine, I understand now.  My understanding for humans capacity for life and depth of being has been significantly expanded--more volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannica added.

One of the pieces I keep marveling at is not having fear of the two-legged, but to embrace their diversity (and mine too.)  Living in the truth meter of my heart resonance, I do find it interesting to hear the politicians campaigning.  As individuals, they most likely started with a heartfelt purpose that lead them towards representing other two-leggeds, but where in the process does the whirling energy of the masses, greed, and ego begin to corrupt the inner truth of the individual.  A living science experiment.