I know where to go to bask in the intensity of the inner flame, but my sense is that my true stabilization of the inner state will come through discovering Divinity in my day-to-day practice. There are openings and there are obscurations. Looking at the open sky has been a lovely touchstone. Immersing myself in the state of presence while training the horses is another. My seeking, wandering nature has been a useful part of the path, but I see that there is a letting go of yet another layer and to place it on a shelf if and when it is needed.
What would it be like to settle into daily life for a while? Sleeping, exercising, eating, and inward awareness are a constant no matter where I stay now. Why does my mind search for more? I have a wonderful place to live, a job I enjoy, an income, grocery store/gym/gas station less then 5 minutes walking from where I live, and adding a horse of my own again, up to 9 miles running...
The emotional outburst of the human condition is a clear aspect of scratchiness and the effect is becoming less and less disturbing. I am trying to use the state of respect, love, stillness, and gratitude that I have while in Gurudev's presence in my day-to-day life. I have had a few good opportunities to take action unskillfully, but waiting to respond until I found this peaceful state has allowed for harmony and grace to unfold.
Tears arise as I type and touch the history and path of the blog. I have wondered if I am becoming stagnant and complacent in my spiritual growth, because I am not siting in the ashram. Now I sense the steady capacity building while living in a low abrasive environment. Pain and scratchiness have been very useful, but time to place them on the shelf as a requirement for doing the work. Living is doing the work and it doesn't have to be more.
Learning so much from the students I am teaching. They have been given a lot of information that obstructs the harmony with their horse partners. Fun to help deconstruct the scaffolding. Maybe I will write a book on deconstructing the myths in dressage. Will be looking at the hard copy sample of the first book, "Seeing Through The Eyes Of The Horse", on Saturday. (Team Takao!!!! Thank you!!!)