We were discussing sensing Spiritual Beings through imagery, voices, and, vibrations when Gurudev mentioned that serious seekers meditate early in the morning, since it is a time of spiritual activity. As he said the words "serious seekers," a small, dark bolt of energy moved through me--doubt. I felt as if I had been seen at the depth of my inner self. Do I qualify? I am still not sure. I have almost finished the Yogananda Manual and it makes sense, nothing encouraging me to drop out of the program, and I am hoping to go deeper. Is that enough? Or am I still standing on the other side of the fence, examining it all? If there is any indication of my past endeavors for serious seeking, I will probably need to be God Realized before I think I am serious. And how would I know that either, come to think about it. Does the Divine Genealogy hand out badges or have identifying name tags? No worries there with how many lifetimes ahead...
The past few days, I have been told that I am "looking serious." I have been trying to stay in my inner state while moving about in the outer world. I have been trying that for 3 years now, but the bar keeps going up and I find that I still need to concentrate. I will take on the homework assignment and see what happens.
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