Noticing that in not forgiving and allowing, a lot of extra lint is potentially left on the screen. Who am I to judge if someone has changed, is in the process of changing, or what that might look like from my limited perspective. Part of the discipline of training horses was to get on with awareness, but with a clean chalkboard so change could be observed and encouraged. I need to install that chalkboard the minute I wake up in the morning. Walking in it requires more capacity for allowing, forgiving, and staying neutral--being in the gap and offering a gap to others.
Gurudev keeps encouraging me to listen from within. While meditating, the chalkboard adjustment reduced restlessness and created an outpouring of tears and gratitude from a very deep realm. The desire not to be in conflict is immense and how to keep working towards that is the self discipline.
At times, I have still wondered if focusing on the Divine is self-centered or selfish in some way, but these lessons keep scrubbing that stain of doubt away as well.
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