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Every turn of the path is a push or a pull. Only the state at the end of the day after sitting inwardly for hours and with the energetic reconstruction of the ashram's cooking container do I find peace and detachment from the insanity plan. Is this the under garment beneath the human construction that will be impermeable to the outer madness? The outer manifestation is still raging: the dead pig has retrained my olfactory world and now walking by the dead dog a few yards down the street from my doorway is easier, walking through the sea of trash and refuse everywhere (now there are no rains to flush it away and the street sweepers cannot keep pace with the astounding amount of casually discarded waste) has retrained my eye for cleanliness and order, the inconsistent human behavior within the boundary lines of India has removed any sense of what is expected, normal, decent behavior (we are all struggling to find our way), and the list could go on.
I have offered to commit suicide and the spiritual path showed up. I was broken in a car accident and an energetic healing placed me back on the path. I offered to be crushed by something fast moving and proficient in destroying me and Gurudev takes the bowl of vegetables from the floor and places more on my plate. At every turn that I offer to end my own suffering--something happens that says "Get-up--keep walking." Small moments of surrender (my journey is easy compared to many), but fascinating how the force beyond me is present to support and encourage.
The video of the horse we so carefully pieced back together with a team of people (5 years of mind, body, and soul work) has made it to the level I had hoped to have achieved myself. The horse was part of the renunciation three years ago and the financing of this journey. Is this the work--nurture and repair the wounded and send it back out to the insanity plan? Is that what Source is doing for me? Nurture, repair, pat me on the head (instead of on the nose), and say "Get-up--keep walking."
M. talks about the view through the hole in the wall that Ramakrishna provided for the disciples of his time. The view of the other side of the wall and what is possible as a spiritual truth. I look at Gurudev every day with this hope and desire to realize more. Pranam.
13yr old KWPN gelding by Olivi at the 2014 Del Mar National Horse Show doing his 4th Grand Prix
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