Sandpaper

Why not start out deep by stepping into the ashram during the intense Durga celebration and falling into multiple hours of energetic shape shifting. I would have to say if I hadn’t had all of the other experiences, I am not sure what would have happened today. I wonder if each person has a style or systemization of energetic shifting? For me, I sit down, edges of separation between my body and the outer world start to disappear, sometimes I lose connection to the outer world or sometimes it is a part of the background, varying energetic experiences transpire, some sort of spiritual coma overtakes me leaving me unable to move, but aware of the outer world, time passes and the desire not to leave this state of intensity lingers. At some point, I take a deep breath as if I had stopped breathing and I was coming up for air, and then slowly, I begin to consciously breath and my body returns to a state that I can walk, talk, and move carefully.

I have been examining Oneness with all of humanity on my walks, but it was a concept and heartfelt more then a state of personal experience. It appears clear that each of us is made of the same spiritual fabric, but with different designs, yet I hadn’t felt the herd of humans in Oneness. I am amused by these self imposed homework questions, but I have learned to just go with it all as some sort of stepping stones. Of course, I never know if I will get to know the answer and if so, how it will manifest. Something in that experience today allowed me to feel everyone in the room as one state of a larger oneness, but I was aware of the shells or human containers. Science fiction or spirituality? All I can say is that it was stunning and annihilated any sense that we aren’t a shared Oneness. There is a part where thought functions on some level, so I was curious how and if I could stay in this collective oneness and function as an individual. The dismantling of the ego structure always leaves me a bit disoriented and capable to function slowly, but this is what is so remarkable about my time in the ashram. I have the time, space, and support to experience these new states of awareness and not have to be an air traffic controller or disband a riot or…

Another aspect of these remarkable experiences is that the answer to my original question was pulverized and superseded at a level that makes me aware of the bigness of it all and the smallness of myself. I liken it to some sort of sanding experience with the sandpaper removing the limiting ideas and smoothing away the sharp edges of separation from the truth.

How wonderful to see Gurudev and look into his eyes after this experience. Grace in the teachings and with such remarkable guidance. There was a twinge of fear in the unknown of such unfamiliar energetic experiences, but not from a lack of trust. Interesting to witness the shift in the trust of letting go. So many perceived layers and points of digestion of the history.  I could fly home today and feel satisfied as a seeker at a very deep interior level. The bridge between spiritual coma and outer functioning is getting shorter.