Wow, Never Considered That Approach On The List!

Realization isn't on my Sue list, but I understand that it is the end game on the path. Spending a few concentrated days in silence/stillness, it is clear that is the zone where the "real" answers come from and the key place I need to know myself. At this point in my inquiry, it would appear that only my thoughts keep me separated from this state of realization. Check mark by the fact check. "Simple, but not easy to access."  At the most rudimentary level of realization, Gurudev was kind enough to talk about the differences of being a man and being a realized being.  We examined what separates me from the basic state of realization, reviewed the remarkable Earth plan of suffering which encourages people to start the self examination process and eventually become fully realized, and we agreed that I am somewhere on the path at a point of self examination--timing. "Good." Basic acceptance and observation.  I am feeling quiet, relaxed, and relieved that being realized doesn't have to be weird. Casually, he mentions, "Some people even ask for suffering, so they can even encourage the pathway to realization."  Wow, I had never considered that approach on the list.  My "Bring It On" mantra was the closest to that I have come as an offering of acceptance for whatever appeared to be necessary for my learning and evolution. Had to circle around that concept for a bit, but tentatively, I offered.  I never take these casual points in the conversation lightly. As the seeking, scientist, I am curious.

As I woke, it was clear that the directive was to visit two of my favorite spiritual sites: Kali and Vishnu/Krishna. Nice opportunity to be with that deep inner sense in different locations. My first visits to the temples were experienced as a drowning or water boarding of my inner being, but now there is a familiarity and gratitude for the learned awareness.  Tears and surrender are still the effects of both places.  Curious why of all the spiritual places I have visited, these two effect me so deeply--especially the Vishnu/Krishna temple.  As I was sitting in the latter, it became very apparent that being is only about some inner place I will call Sue's self and Source. The thorn showed up and with a gripping agony in my heart that only my mind could watch.  It had no solutions, no distractions, no alternatives. Is this now what I will live with as an inner gnawing sense of despair, so I will continue?  Now I have no one to blame, nothing to latch onto, only the deepest part of my being as a point of surrender. There are rest places.  Yesterday, I sat in a state of effortless tranquility that I could have stayed in forever, but onward appears to be the theme. Grace.