Restlessness

One of many golf courses as part of adult Disneyland

Riding under a rainbow

Why restless in paradise? Energetic nature? Habit? Opening to a new direction?

Nador is healing well. Students/horses making progress. Abundance at every level. Horse show over. 

Washing Machines

Found a new favorite trail.

I have been examining the results of different washing machines lately. As I stepped into the quiet, expansiveness of the desert, I realized it was washing me. I was the disturbance in the peaceful aliveness. The outer world was aligned to my inner world, but the sheath of my being was a point of separation. The sheath of me as Sue. Is it finally time to accept me fully and unconditionally as nature continues to and live from this essence of vibration? Yet another blindspot uncovered. Being as One and not just knowing of self as One.

A desert rose

Natural oasis

Nice timing Bowl of Saki...

You cannot be both horse and rider at the same time.

                        Bowl of Saki, March 8, by Hazrat Inayat Khan

Commentary by Pir-o-Murshid Inayat Khan:

The ego has two sides: the first one is the one we know, and the next one we must discover. The side we know is the false ego which makes us say, 'I'. What is it in us that we call 'I'? We say, 'This is my body, my mind, these are my thoughts, my feelings, my impressions, this is my position in life.' We identify our self with all that concerns us and the sum total of all these we call 'I'. In the light of truth this conception is false, it is a false identity.

By reasoning with oneself and by trying to study oneself analytically it is possible to get nearer to the true knowledge of one's being. If we consider that every part that constitutes our being has its own name -- the hand, the foot, every part of our being has a different name, quality and purpose, and even a separate form -- what is it then in man which says 'I' and identifies itself with what it sees? It is not our head, hand or foot which says 'I' nor is it the brain. It is something that we cannot point out which identifies itself with all these different parts and says 'I' and mine and knows itself to be the person who sees. This in itself is ignorance, and it is this which the Hindus have called avidya.

How can you be that which you possess? You cannot be the horse and rider at the same time, nor can you be carpenter and tool at the same time. Herein lies the secret of mortality and immortality.

What has taken possession of this accommodation? A deluded ego that says, 'I.' It is deluded by this body and mind and it has called itself an individual. When a man has a ragged coat he says, 'I am poor'. In reality his coat is poor, not he. What this capacity or accommodation contains is that which becomes his knowledge, his realization, and it is that which limits him. It forms that limitation which is the tragedy of every soul.

Now, this capacity may be filled with self, or it may be filled with God. There is only room for one. Either we live with our limitation, or we let God reign there in His unlimited Being.

Outer Quiet and Inner Stillness

Zen Center at the base of this mountain

Meditation at the Zen center instead of a hike. Oh My! It was the day they were closed, but they let me sit in the meditation hall. It was so quiet. Sitting with inner stillness in outer quiet was remarkable. Wow!

Living Without Borders

The perception is an edge that feels like wearing something too small. Continuing to dismantle the outer wear that limits living from the inner wear.  Living without borders--at the limitation of what I can sense. A moment of free fall, (stepping off the cliff edge), to no where other then deeper within the layer I know as the Real Self. It has been a while since fear was palpable in a shift. I stated the shift verbally as some form of affirmation following the inward commitment. A moment to examine the false comfort of the scaffolding. The sense of infinite expansiveness is becoming the new outer wear. Gratitude.

Stepping out of my car at work

Water feature

Pacific Crest Trail

Santa Rosa Mountains. The mountains I have been walking.

View from the Pacific Crest Trail

Pacific Crest Trail. It runs from Mexico to Canada. I met someone while walking who had walked the entire trail several times. Hmmm... I could see adding this onto my life list. Observing my thoughts as I walked quietly for five hours. Gurudev encouraged my contact to nature and I continue to see why--my ashram touchstone.

Becoming clearer that I am helping people to understand how to ride from the inside of the horse instead of just the outside.

Observing the Story Builder

Another hike, but only seven hours. Watching my mind as it tries to create a story to embellish what I was doing--walking. Emotions were the ornaments and the distraction from inner peace. How simple. The desire to analyze and give feedback is diminishing--except for when called upon to do so at work. Walking in the stillness of the night, without a story, and from the state of the self cave. I hiked by a few caves and reflected on stories of spiritual masters and seekers. The self inquiry from a less provoking environment. My mind is the provocateur. I was made aware of this while in India, but the spiral staircase is relentless until I disappear?

Wonderful feed back on the second book, My Horse, My Heart, My Soul. I continue to feel so fortunate to have teamed up with the interviewees and Takao to bring this to life.

The new job has been a perfect setting to rekindle my passion for riding and teaching. I am finding a more articulate way to describe the intricacies of timing and feel to all levels of riders. I might need to hijack the blog back to its original role as a blog for riders?

Nine Hour Hike

Heading out

Nature, natural sounds, rugged terrain, beauty, aloneness, and darkness--nine hours. Eased the restlessness I have been feeling while in my new life. The hike became a way to remember the vitality within my self, faith, perseverance, steadfastness, and humility. Yes, it was dangerous and reckless, but it provided a way to join and align the outer and inner world. I had attended one of the biggest horse shows on the west coast which felt empty of living vitality. How is this possible to have thousands of horses and humans, but a texture as a void? Am I in service to this void? The void is a reflection of the outer emptiness and to remember the only state of peace is inward. The risk was inappropriate, but the reward was in the realignment. I made a vow not to become a thrill seeker and to walk on the trail--not as a mountain goat, (but I visited where they live in the dark.)

Now, as I look at the mountains while at work, I smiled in reflection of knowing them in an intimate way. Listening to someone of particularly exteriorized focus, I could be in alignment with my deeper nature, listen, and not wear her scratchiness--no effort, just presence. Thank you Santa Rosa Mountains. Standing up again and in service.