The Other Side Of The Door

After climbing up the hill to the "man on the hill," I hung a sack of fruit on his door. Just as I turned to walk away, he opened the door, looked at the sack, and looked at me with a big grin on his face. Cool! No anger or throwing of fruit to the wild animals, (even thought that would have been okay too.)  I had checked with Gurudev about protocal for greetings of people in orange robes and he suggested to go with the feeling in my heart--hands clasped together were fine and on the ground pranam if my heart desired. Hands clasped together made sense in the moment; I didn't have the same feeling as I do for Gurudev.  Actually, I haven't met any orange-robed beings that I have had the same feeling.

He invited me in, but I was thinking baby steps, so I thanked him and started my walk down the hill to begin my morning run.  As I was walking along the path, I turned to look back and felt the urge to pranam to the experience.  How lovely to experience an offering to someone without expectation, strings, or anything other than kindness and how lovely to have someone receive it with kindness, no strings, and no expectations.  The experience was felt from the new inner alter as something tranquil and clear--no scratchiness.  Tears of gratitude and that energy experience that appears to come with these moments was the physical response.  How cool to experience what appears to be a true renunciate walking the talk, living alone on the hill, and living in some sort of focus on the Divine.  As a beginner on the path and one submerged in the western culture, it is awesome to experience this lifestyle choice.  I was thinking I could sign up for it, but something tells me that isn't going to happen.

What a life lesson to experience something that simple. It felt like I spent the day in the Divine car wash. No thorns for the day and experiencing an exchange from the other side of the door--a new perspective. Living outside one's normal routine and comfort zone generates the most remarkable learning opportunities.

It appears that I am back on the learning schedule where I experience something and then I read about it.  Opened the book to these thoughts today:

"God, Guru, and Self are only different forms of the same."

"So long as you think you are the individual you believe in God, On worshiping God, God appears to you as Guru. On serving Guru He manifests as the Self."

Sri Ramana Maharshi

Blessings Of Disturbances

Woke up wondering how to have enough gratitude for touching this seemingly tranquil underpinning of my nature.  With the mind asking questions, the ego was off and running. Always interesting how one aspect of inquiry leads one deeper and another aspect leads one away.  It has taken a single-pointed focus to get to that "tranquil" zone, (along with grace), so staying in contact with it may need more of the same. On reflection, I have visited the zone a few times over the past 6 years (by "chance"), but this time has a lot more assembled pieces of the story and how I got "there" (stories are always fun.)

No, I am not giving up the connection, so now what?  The ego wanted to find a creative angle to self worth, qualifying, and the loop from the past, as I was inquiring into why my ego wanted to twist gratitude and humility into something with rough edges.  In my walk of examining Source, I always accepted there was some sort of power source (no name and abstraction was comforting), then I was introduced to Pahari Baba (not a "living" form but the frequency was life changing), and onto Gurudev (the living, breathing, walking form of a frequency inferno.) Part of the shift as been recognizing I am sensing it through my self and not just an outer manifestation of the senses, (thank you shakti experiences.)  A small section of the outer alter just got moved indoors--wow!

As I fall down and stand up on this path of understanding, the hole in my heart feels like a giant thorn stuck in it when my ego is acting up and a place of great expansiveness when it isn't. Maybe the thorn is a great reminder for keeping me on track with the single-pointed focus and never letting up?  With a fragment of the alter moving indoors, the bar for right action, service, and more has even struck a deeper cord. No escaping the self--twenty-four seven with or without the mind remembering and reflecting. The blessings of disturbances for leading me to a solution for abiding in the tranquility. Pranam to the inner alter. Every step continues to be astounding with the form/formless, inquiry/devotion, and outer/inner experiences.


Hazrat Inayat Khan - July 5, 1882 - February 5, 1927

Following a bout with pneumonia, Inayat Khan departed from this world on February 5, 1927, at the Tilak Lodge, located along the river Yamuna near Delhi, India. His burial tomb is in the Basti Nizamuddin neighborhood of Delhi. Inayat Khan described the essence of his spiritual message with the following words, which are offered here to commemorate his life and teachings:


Our sacred task is to awaken among those around us and among those whom we can reach in the first place the spirit of tolerance for the religion, scripture, and the ideal of devotion of one another; our next task is to make man understand people of different nations, races and communities, also of different classes.

By this we do not mean to say that all races and nations must become one, nor that all classes must become one; only what we have to say is that whatever be our religion, nation, race or class, our most sacred duty is to work for one another, in one another's interest, and to consider that as the service of God. ...

The central theme of the Sufi Message is one simple thing, and yet most difficult, and that is to bring about in the world the realization of the divinity of the human soul, which hitherto has been overlooked, for the reason that the time had not come.

The principal thing that the Message has to accomplish in this era is to create the realization of the divine spark in every soul, that every soul according to its progress may begin to realize for itself the spark of divinity within. This is the task that is before us.

Now you may ask, what is the Message? The Message is this: that the whole humanity is as one single body, and all nations and communities and races as the different organs, and the happiness and well-being of each of them is the happiness and well-being of the whole body. If there is one organ of the body in pain, the whole body has to sustain a share of the strain of it. That by this Message mankind may begin to think that his welfare and his well-being is not in looking after himself, but it is in looking after others, and when in all there will be reciprocity, love and goodness towards another, the better time will come.   ~~~ "Addresses to Cherags", "Our Sacred Task", Hazrat Inayat Khan (unpublished)


The need of the world today is not learning, but how to become considerate towards one another. To try and find out in what way happiness can be brought about, and in this way to realize that peace which is the longing of every soul; and to impart it to others, thereby attaining our life's goal, the sublimity of life.   from  http://wahiduddin.net/mv2/X/X_5_1.htm

Falling Under An Elephant

New experience falling under an elephant. Good wake up call that the outer reality exists too.  Running downhill on wet cobblestones between elephants may need an adjustment to walking.  Learning available on all playing fields. There was no fear--only what lesson plan was up on the screen. Got lucky with only a skinned knee. 

"What do you take a Baba-type being who lives..."

Small building on top of the big hill.

Small building looking down to the lake.

Finally followed one of the Amber Fort walls up to the top where there is a small building, a shrine, and a resident man, (I am not sure who was more surprised, me that someone lived in the building or him that someone appeared--and we aren't talking an easy walk up the hill.)  He was very kind, we could speak enough to determine that we couldn't really carry on a conversation, but he didn't ask for anything, made some hand gestures I interpreted as "make yourself at home," and then went about his business.  It was a lovely exchange as if I wasn't a white woman with a ball cap, sunglasses, and a pack and he wasn't a brown man with beads, a wrap, and sandals.  I reflected on the other beings of this nature who I have had the opportunity to witness (my all time favorite is the one who lives on the street with dogs in Vrindavan), but for some reason I felt the impulse to return with some offering.

"What do you take a Baba-type being who lives on the top of hill and doesn't appear to need much, so you are not insulting?"  Gurudev suggested I start with a few pieces of fruit and not to be surprised if he throws them on the ground.  Ok, it sounds like an adventure...  I have never had this impulse before, but Gurudev suggested I try and proceeded to tell me about a Saint who had lived up there.  I so love this part of India.

A new view of Amber Fort

Internal Tranquility

The past few mornings, It is almost strange to wake up with such inner tranquility--more than a good nights sleep or life is good because ducks are lined up for a moment.  It is as if the veil to living has shifted.  Has the ego run out of a list to greet me at the opening of my eyes?  Some awareness very deep inside is at peace with whatever is going to arise, so there is no inner disturbance--only outer disturbances.  It is a place that now continues with me while physically awake, meditating, and apparently sleeping.

Is it possible that the inquiry process has exhausted the mind, so it exists with limited interference and the devotion has opened the heart, so it can be the base of operation? The simple thoughts emerged while meditating, "There is no me or mine."

A possible reflection of this inner state--an Indian woman I see daily thanked me profusely for being so tranquil? Words I would never expect to hear from the two-legged world--the white, walking, warrior, woman may be turning some corner on the path.  The reading continues to be amazing support even though words can be tricky. 

Teachers From The Past And Present--Thank You!

Jaz, the horse who led me to India. His intelligence and sensitivity left me without answers in the horseman's world.

1. Horses have been the binding thread that have kept me in my heart and then led me to go deeper.

2. My teacher in Portugal (1989), Master Senor Luis Valenca, showed me a possibility for patience, humility, passion, and integrity towards training horses that I never found again.  Upon reflection, this may have been the beginning of what eventually led me to India.  I recently heard a video by him giving well wishes for 2014 and was struck by the same sense I experienced 25 years ago.  The spiral staircase working its magic of life--how lovely to visit this felt sense from a man with a passion and vision for horses.

(video below)

Christmas wishes from Master Luis Valença by Baroque Horse Magazine

Master Luís Valença Rodrigues Founder of CELG. Former Master of The Portuguese School of Equestrian Art. Team Luís Valença in Apassionata Show.

3. The book project of Nancy Kasovich's life growing up with a Master horsemen in the US has answered the questions I left Portugal with. Yes, at one point, the US did house Master horsemen. Her husband, (Bob Smith who is not living) and Master Senor Valenca probably would have shared the same heart and passion for horses. Here is an excerpt from the book. What she learned from years with a Master Horseman and carried on with in her own walk.

WHAT MAKES A GOOD HORSEMAN? 

"Simplicity. So much today is based on devices, in order to train more quickly. Simplicity is a lost art.  Animals are very simplistic and a point for us to learn from.  The modern world provides us a constant challenge to stay in touch with this more simplistic aspect of being.  As humans, we need to move towards the horse's frequency for contact and not expect them to reach towards the human frequency--a good horseman understands this instinctively.  He or she examines the core of the horse, takes the temper out without losing the spirit, builds trust so the horse goes to the rider for guidance as in a true partnership, and makes corrections without emotion, so the horse learns and accepts the corrections. Training is applied for the horse's development and not for the sake of the trainer's ego. A good horseman recognizes that the primary layer must be made of calmness, willingness, and obedience--and this takes time. The horse may go on to be trained for a more specialized purpose or event, but that is an additional layer added to the basic foundation. Short cuts just don’t work!” 

The book title "Through The Eyes Of The Horse," is the epitome of what Nancy believes to be a doorway into the heart and soul of the horse. “To teach oneself to see life as horses do is a huge step forward in a lifelong quest to truly understand and be one with any horse you handle or ride. It doesn’t happen over night and possibly never for many. The old expression, “He/she can really read a horse,” refers to seeing things as they do and reading the body language which follows. To become one with the horse is a goal most people want to attain in whatever discipline is pursued, but it requires patience and observation that starts with quiet time on the ground. You are studying them and they are studying you. Again comes the word feel, you are reaching into the horse’s mind for that feeling of calmness and potential unity.  Riding is no different.”

Bob Smith

4. Gurudev. The Master of all masters--the Spiritual Master.  Fourth only in the chronology of my life, but probably not to be found in a form again.  What I have learned about life, humanity, and my self has been worth every step of pain and confusion. Will I return to horses? How remarkable is the journey.

Experiential vs. Book Learning

How cool that the book I was given to read (the actual book was given to the book owner 35 years ago by Gurudev) parallels what I have been learning real time for the past 3 years.  It is like adding a frame to an already beautiful picture. Items like not believing until I have the experience, the two bucket system for moving my peg on the path, not letting my mind talk me out of my heart, a recent re-focus on trying to be in wake state while connected to my meditative state (no matter how deep unless it involves not having a body), and more.  Thanked Gurudev and double checked that it is okay to keep on with the non-book learning while reading the book as a cool supplement. Check mark.

My heart appears to be breaking and glowing (probably not literally) two or three times a day, but it is sure shifting the perception and capacity for walking in the outer world.  Living in India would be possible which is a milestone for me. Small children are finding me and wanting to make contact which is new, (and a bit bizarre.)  Use to animals finding me, but small children....

The focus intensity for not leaving the felt heart is intense at times with all of the available physical distractions and not to mention my mind. Remarkable how quickly the mind can shift to a new channel--faster than touching the remote.

Attempted shaving my own head. No serious blood, but definitely a learning curve. The head is like mowing the lawn with mystery patches that don't want cutting. Learned about the meticulous food serving standards of one hand and the whys of eating with one hand.  Nice to know for respect and proper etiquette. Figured out how to eat with one hand--progress. Details to enhance the experience.