Gate Open

"Most people would lock the gate to keep out the crazies.  Thank you Gurudev for leaving the gate open."

Lint Screen Not working

There is such a longing for the soul to drink at the trough of Absolute Love.  When I first sat at Gurudev's feet again, I mentioned that it felt like going from drinking out of a straw to submerging myself in the ocean. Since writing myself a permission slip, this desire has moved to the top of the list. As I continue to read, inquire, and attempt to add obstructions, Gurudev continues to fact check, simplify, and remove any unnecessary obstructions.  Nothing to do but soak in this grace of bliss.  My lint screen is finding difficulty to keep it out now.

Walking With No Agenda

Interiorization-a life of its own?

Even in the depths of love we know there are hidden obstacles--not unlike navigating a quiet ocean and running aground a submerged rock.  Same old human reactions appeared:  disturbance, disbelief, frustration, annoyance, resistance, and then calm, observation, allowance, acceptance, and peace.  Homework at every turn.  And to find out that the disturbance didn't need to be on my list, another story created by my ever available ego.

While walking with no agenda, I recognized that movement is the place where I take refuge in being. The walking as eyes, the sitting in the ashram as essence, and the interiorization while moving was finally merging into one familiar state of being. The image of the small child, playing in the trees with the voice came to mind.  Uncovering what was never missing; the development of the ego grew over it.  The riding and dancing always required an inner, sensing awareness, so the root of the actions always took place from an interiorization.

The Shock of Love

What is hidden inside?

This path towards peace and equanimity has involved digesting a lot of pain, examining limiting beliefs, observing unnecessary judgements, and letting go of painful memories.  I have embraced the beauty of pain and its useful nature to move towards something different.  It is a very familiar point of connection for activation, but I am caught off guard when I experience the deep penetration of Absolute Love as part of the arsenal of teachings.  My experience is one of surprise at how long it takes to "recover" from the deep contact of kindness by Gurudev.  Will I ever grow accustomed to such a remarkable surge of Love?  Would I ever want to lose the shock value of the reminder to open to the light and not just move through the dark?  In principle, all is one, but the perception reminds me of the exquisite beauty that is also part of the unfolding path. 

Permission Slip to Myself

Having fun at the gym.

2006 started my intense search for understanding humanity and how I could fit in (or not).  The range of human actions that I can employ has broadened:  be silent or outspoken, be in a group or alone, talk to strangers or listen, dance Viennese Waltz in a ball gown or dig a ditch in an old pair of jeans, sing or listen with new awareness, give a presentation to a large group or participate,  gallop alongside a herd of giraffes or pet an elephant on the trunk, and so on. I have made a point to relentlessly examine global life daily through the news, internet, various blogs, conversation etc. and sense into the diversity that abounds.

In a few months I will return to California and need to get serious again about working at something that produces income.  I can do many things, but nothing really draws me now, so for the remainder of this time in India, "I give myself permission to not look back, forward, try to figure out humanity, try to figure out how I fit into humanity, who I am, and just be in the presence of what is unfolding."  

It may not look any different, but somehow, I want to acknowledge the transition--letting go. It is a gift to have had these two years to step out of my normal life, dive into the depths of the spiritual path and now to turn my single-pointed focus on this deeper inward path and to know without any doubt or hesitation that I am in the best place for this deeper alignment to Absolute Truth, Love, and Wisdom.

Pranam to Gurudev, Pahari Baba, and the Divine Genealogy.

Fitness and Tolerance Test

Kanak Garti from a distance

First time up to the highest fortress, since I have been back.  I use it as my fitness and tolerance test--narrow, busy road all uphill.  A check mark in the pass column for both categories.

Wide road

Dreams

It is unusual for me to remember my dreams, but this one was graphic.  Obstacle after obstacle kept coming up while I was trying to get to the Divine, but I wouldn't give up.  Nothing would change my intention.  24 hour alignment from the dream and the wake state.